


Ride The Blue

by cerie



Category: The Newsroom (US TV)
Genre: AU, Cowboys, F/M, Nebraska Territory, Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-12-06
Updated: 2014-12-18
Packaged: 2018-01-03 15:41:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 30,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1072215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cerie/pseuds/cerie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Will hears that a MacKenzie McHale has moved into town and plans to start a newspaper, he has to laugh.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is an AU I had about Will being a rancher in Nebraska Territory circa 1850 and MacKenzie coming to start a newspaper. Prior to the Civil War, the city of Lincoln was known as Lancaster.
> 
> The title is from the Dave Matthews Band song You and Me, particularly these lyrics:
> 
> You and I, we're not tied to the ground  
> Not falling but rising like rolling around  
> Eyes closed above the rooftops  
> Eyes closed, we're gonna spin through the stars  
> Our arms wide as the sky  
> We gonna ride the blue all the way to the end of the world  
> To the end of the world

When Will hears that a MacKenzie McHale has moved into town and plans to start a newspaper, he has to laugh. The man’s name is ridiculous and there’s not enough news in Lancaster to warrant more than one newspaper. Still, it’s in his interest to lease a property to a paying customer and Mr. McHale has offered a tidy little sum for a year’s lease.

He’s surprised when McHale isn’t in and there’s a slip of a girl standing on the street in front of the building when he rides into town. She’s slim, like a good strong breeze will blow her over, and there’s more lace at her neck and wrists than any pragmatic woman in Nebraska Territory would ever dare to wear; she’s just going to get dirty doing work. She’s got one hand holding her hat on top of her hair and the other is waving at him. Why? He doesn’t know but he’s not about to deny a pretty girl a smile. He tips his hat. “McHale’s wife, I’m assuming? Or daughter? He didn’t mention a daughter.”

The woman frowns and damned if it isn’t as adorable as the smile. “Absolutely not. You’ve been in correspondence with me. I am MacKenzie McHale and I intend to lease this building to house my newspaper. It’s going to be the Lancaster Star Journal, you see, and I intend to make it a very reputable paper. Nothing like the paper I worked for in New York, of course, but I’ll have managerial control here and won’t be relegated to society pieces.” Will assesses her and tries to decide how a little English girl wound up in this tiny ranching town.

"Well, Miss McHale, you’ve got more money than sense," he says, getting another frown for his troubles. Her cheeks flush bright red and her voice is a little thin with exasperation. "That will be enough, Mr. McAvoy. If I want to spend my money then I will and I need no input from you. You merely own my building. You have absolutely no stake in my paper whatsoever!"

He gives her a mild look and offers his arm to escort her instead. She stalks away, yanking the door open and leaving him with nothing to do but follow her. Fine. If she wants to play at being independent, he’ll let her, and he hopes like hell her money holds out for her trip back home.

"Don’t tend to invest in something that’s going to fail," he says, goading her so he can see that color bloom against her pale skin. It looks soft, like silk, and he curls his fingers into a fist to keep from reaching out and touching her. "I own the most head of cattle in this part of Nebraska. I stick to what I know."

MacKenzie snorts delicately. “You have absolutely no sense of adventure, Mr. McAvoy.”

Will isn’t sure that’s true. He’s spent most of his life in a frontier (more or less - it’s built up now) town and it sure as hell isn’t London or New York or somewhere full of creature comforts. He has enough money now for a comfortable life thanks to the work his own parents put into the ranch and now he doesn’t have to work quite so hard. He does, because that’s hard to breed out of a man, but he doesn’t have to and more importantly, his sisters didn’t have to.

“I’ve got plenty. What the hell do you want to do with a paper here anyway? There’s hardly any news.” MacKenzie sighs and throws up her hands. “All I need from you is a guarantee that my building will be available for my use in within a few weeks. I need nothing further from you Mr. McAvoy, nothing further at all.” MacKenzie McHale is slender and seems, for all the world, like an English rose out of her element but there’s a glint in those dark eyes that tells him that she’s going to be anything but easy to deal with. He tips his hat toward her. “It’ll be ready for you. Where are you staying?”

She gives the name of the only hotel in town and Will tsks lightly. “Come and stay on my ranch. I’ve got a house that used to belong to the foreman before he built a new one and it’d be fine for a woman on her own. Hell of a lot safer than staying in a hotel.” Her mouth opens and closes a few times as if she meant to protest and thought better of it and she nods, lips pursed. “I shall accept your offer if only because it means I can focus my energy upon the paper and the hiring of staff. Do you know of anyone who might be looking for employment?”

Will laughs. He knows plenty of men looking for work but none of them are the type to write for a goddamned newspaper. The men he knows are rough and work with their hands - roping cattle, riding long hours in the saddle, smiths and tanners and butchers. He doesn’t know anything about the kind of man who would make his living writing words and having them printed for entertainment and while he occasionally writes a little himself, he tries to keep that private. Nobody cares about what he does in the long, dark winter and it damn sure isn’t his _profession_. MacKenzie, though, seems convinced that there will be people to interview for this damn fool scheme of hers. All the best to her.

“I’ll let you lease the house from me. You can eat supper up in the big house with me tonight,” he says, charitable, and she makes a little face. He wants to know what that’s all about and means to ask when she launches into a tirade about how she doesn’t need his charity and she’s perfectly capable of cooking her own meals. Then, after a beat, she asks if he knows anyone looking for work as a housekeeper. It’s all he can do to keep from laughing and he nods. There’s a girl named Maggie who just lost her mother and could use the work.

***

MacKenzie turns up at his house looking a little worse for the wear. Will had taken the time to change his shirt and wash his face because she was coming over but it appears MacKenzie didn’t have the same luck. There’s a little mud around the hem of her skirt and that perfectly-perched hat is askew. Her hair is coming down in little tendrils that frame her face and as disheveled as she is, he can’t deny she looks beautiful.

“Guessing your first day in town didn’t go so well?” MacKenzie scowls and announces she isn’t discussing it and, instead, stuffs her mouth with a biscuit. Will doesn’t hide his laugh this time and after a few minutes of frowning, MacKenzie eventually relaxes and joins in a little. “I got caught in the rain. It could have happened in New York. I just happened to also fall off my horse when I was riding out here and that explains the dreadful state my clothes are in. I should have changed before coming here but I did not want to be late and put you out. It’s rude.” Will thinks he could have allowed her to be a little late with all that going on but he appreciates that she cares about the needs of others. It’s not really something he expects out of a rich woman like her. Maybe he’s been a little wrong.

“Don’t you know how to ride? Why’d you fall off?” Will asks, enjoying the way her face colors and she seems a little embarrassed. “I only ever learned to ride side-saddle and I was attempting to ride astride. I slid right off because I wasn’t paying attention. Nothing was harmed other than my pride, I assure you, and I don’t believe anyone saw me. Nobody would know except that I just told you.” 

He laughs, but it’s warm, and he tries not to think about what that might look like. He also tries not to think about all the places that pretty blush of hers shows up because it sends his thinking down a path it definitely doesn’t need to travel. Will is no stranger to the company of a woman but he tries to keep it discreet and few and far between. MacKenzie McHale isn’t the kind of woman he brings into his bed for a night or two and being with her means following rules and respecting society, two things he hasn’t done much of lately. Still, if he was allowing himself to think about it, he might drag his lips down her smooth throat and slide his hands up her - no. 

They fall silent, awkwardly so, and after a little while MacKenzie stands up and thanks his housekeeper for the meal she’d cooked. Then she turns to Will and offers her hand. It’s dainty between his, with slender fingers and soft, soft skin. It’s a hell of a contrast to his own rough palms and he lifts it to his lips, brushing a kiss against the back of it. “It was my pleasure, Mr. McAvoy.”

He shakes his head. “No. Pleasure was all mine, Miss McHale.”

***

He doesn’t think about MacKenzie much for the next few weeks until he’s out riding the fence line to make repairs and she comes storming up to him from the foreman’s house. His shirt’s soaked clean through with sweat and he’s been digging holes to replace the broken posts for the better part of two hours; there are better times and places for him to get in a disagreement with Miss McHale. Still, she’s got him in a place where he can’t do much other than listen to her so he decides he’ll just get it over with. Maybe it’ll be a distraction from the back-breaking work.

“That house is simply appalling. I have done all I can with it but I absolutely will not live in a house that doesn’t even have the simplest of conveniences. Did you know that I have to use an _outhouse_?” While the main house has plumbing, none of the outbuildings do and that’s not really uncommon in the area. Will’s house is actually kind of an oddity in that respect but he has an appreciation for nice things and had it put in along with a fancy claw-foot tub that he gets a hell of a lot of use out of. Even cowboys have to wash.

“I’m not going and having someone put a toilet in that house just because you’re used to them. This is not New York, Miss McHale.” He hefts one of the posts and works it down into the freshly dug hole, stabilizing it and moving to the next one. He hates working on the fence but it’s the best way to lose all his cattle if he doesn’t. Wolves tend to take advantage of whatever opportunities they’re given and there’s rustlers besides. He doesn’t like losing money when a simple fence can do wonders to keep his livestock where they’re supposed to be.

“I think a lady ought to have some concessions made,” she says, pouting, and not for the first time he wishes he could catch her mouth with his and kiss her until she poured all that fire and exasperation into being with him instead of fussing at him. It’s a stupid thought to entertain. While he thinks there’s an attraction there on her end as well, it’s not going to go well for them. It’s not something that’s particularly smart, considering her upbringing and what her expectations for a relationship ought to be. Miss McHale is the marrying kind of woman and Will isn’t interested in being married. He’s never been interested and doesn’t plan on becoming interested any time soon but he sure as hell would like to take MacKenzie to bed with him. More than anything. 

“A lady usually puts in some work around the house,” Will says mildly, finishing with the second post and straightening it up. “And doesn’t mind it. You’re something else entirely. I’ve never met anyone quite like you.” MacKenzie frowns and brushes her hair back off her cheek, leaving a deep black smudge against her skin from where the ink on her hand transferred. She’s been writing this morning instead of cleaning or cooking and it’s so much different than any of the women Will knows around the ranch.

“I am an oddity, I’m aware. I have written to my associate in New York, a Charles Skinner? He’s to send me a printing press for the paper and a young man to help write along with it. We’ll have to get a different place to live, I think, because there won’t be room for both Jim and I in that little house. Is there a boarding house I could take up residence in? Somewhere befitting of my station?” Will is convinced that MacKenzie doesn’t actually fit in any station because she defies all logic but he thinks for a moment. “There is one but you could really just stay with me. My housekeeper lives in the main house and I doubt anyone would think anything of it. Or your boy can bunk with my hands.”

MacKenzie wrinkles her nose a bit and decides that this Jim can just live with the hands for a little while. Apparently the idea of staying in the big house with him is too much for her to bear and while Will knows he can be gruff, he’s always been an agreeable and affable sort. He really doesn’t know what MacKenzie’s problem is. Will reaches out and brushes his thumb along her cheek, ostensibly to get the ink off. 

“You’ve got ink on you,” he says, soft, and he’s surprised when MacKenzie draws a little closer. She’s close enough that he could encircle her in his arms and while she’s tall, he hadn’t realized she was so damn slight. She’s got the prettiest little waist he’s ever seen on a woman and his thoughts are heading down the dangerous path again. _What the hell_ , he thinks, and cups her cheek before bending down to kiss her.

MacKenzie struggles a little before she yields, parting that sweet little mouth of hers and whimpering against his. It’s been a while since he’s kissed anyone and when she puts her hands against his chest, he slides his arm around her and presses her close so he can feel every curve of her body. 

“That was...unexpected,” MacKenzie says breathlessly. That’s putting it mildly.


	2. Chapter 2

There’s not a lot of time to think about the kiss over the next week or so because MacKenzie’s life has suddenly become her newspaper. The printing press and the boy come from New York and MacKenzie is in town late into the night, coming home just when he’s riding out to check his stock before sunrise. He doesn’t like that she’s being so callous with her safety but he guesses there’s no telling her anything.

Will makes a habit of riding up to the foreman’s cabin when she pulls these late nights and makes sure she doesn’t need anything before he lets her turn in. The dawn is just starting to pink the sky when he rides up today and he swings down off his horse, tipping his hat to her. “You really ought not be riding home in the middle of the night like that. Something can happen.” MacKenzie rolls her eyes and grabs a bucket to pump water for the night. Or day, since her hours are all off. 

“And yet, nothing has. Do you think nothing would happen to you if you rode back and forth to town whenever you pleased? I assure you, just because I’m a woman it doesn’t mean that I cannot do everything you can do.” Will curses under his breath in frustration and stares her down. “MacKenzie, Jesus. A beautiful woman shouldn’t be riding back and forth all night when something could happen. What the hell are you going to do if someone tries to attack you?”

MacKenzie makes her own noise of frustration. “Fine. Teach me to shoot and let me carry a rifle. I am not going to change my life in order to accommodate the chauvinistic whims of a man who cannot stand me six days out of seven. If I have a gun, I should be able to handle myself accordingly.” 

Will doesn’t particularly like guns. They’re a necessity out here on the ranch and he knows how to use one and well but he doesn’t like them. He remembers his mother and sisters cowering in fear when his father was drunk and wielded a rifle and he never wants to be that man. While he drinks sometimes, he rarely uses his gun except on wildlife, and he doesn’t want to become the man that his father was. He never wants to see the woman he loves cowering away from him.

Still, if she insists on riding back and forth all hours of the night, maybe he ought to make sure she can protect herself. He nods, thinking he can get over this more than he could get over something happening to her because she’s a damn fool. “Sure. I’ll teach you in the afternoons, which means you’re going to have to come home earlier than you have been. I don’t have time to do this during the workday and you can’t shoot at night. At least not to learn.” MacKenzie flashes him a bright smile, clearly pleased.

“And can Maggie learn too? She wants to start working at the paper as well.” Will’s not real sure why Maggie would need to learn to shoot or write for a paper but he guesses if he’s in for a penny he might as well be in for a pound. He nods again. “I guess. Make sure you’re on time. I’m eating up daylight by agreeing to teach you this and that’s money I’m losing because of you. Remember that.”

It’s a little more gruff than he intends but he doesn’t think that’s daunted MacKenzie any. On the contrary, she’s beaming at him. She’s in a dove grey gown that’s fitted perfectly to every curve. MacKenzie just feels expensive in a way that Will is never going to, no matter how much money he has. He thinks it’s the difference between having money and making money. MacKenzie’s never had to work a day in her life and it shows. It’s something that makes him nervous because he doesn’t know how to relate to a woman like that. She’s not like the other women around here, that’s for damn sure.

***

Maggie doesn’t make it for their first lesson because she’s busy tending a sick sister but MacKenzie is on time for once. She’s dressed in a pair of trousers and a billowy shirt that clearly belonged to some man and Will eyes her carefully. “Where’d you get those?” MacKenzie laughs and flashes him one of her broad grins. “Oh, I had the general store order them for me. I wanted the option considering I’m currently living on a ranch.” It’s not much different than what he’d wear except the weave of her shirt is a hell of a lot finer than the chambray he wears to work in. He hands her a rifle and shows her how it works.

“You’ve got to be sure to keep it clean,” he says, showing her the inside of the barrel. “This gets dirty with powder and it’s harder to load it. You want to keep it loaded. You aren’t going to be able to load a rifle on horseback if someone’s after you.” He drops a few balls in her hand. “These are minnie balls. Hurt like hell if you get one in you. You’re probably only going to get one shot so I want you to go for the chest every time. You want to kill.”

MacKenzie looks a little pale but nods. He slides behind her and lifts her arms up, setting the rifle in them. “You want this butted up against your shoulder. Keep your back straight,” he says, pressing his hand against her to straighten her up. Jesus, she’s beautiful and her hair smells of some perfume he’s never encountered before. She’s damn sure not what he’s used to. “Now. Aim at that can and see if you can knock it down.”

He’s set up their target about thirty feet away. It’s not too challenging for anyone who’s a half decent shot but MacKenzie’s never done it before. She aims and misses, shooting wildly when the recoil of the gun slams her back. “Dear God! You didn’t tell me it would hurt quite so much!” No, he didn’t. That had been the point.

“If I had, you would have flinched before you shot and we’d be in the same place. Try it again.” MacKenzie makes a good job of loading it and lining up her shot and this time it’s a little closer even though she’s flinching in anticipation of the recoil. “Can’t do that, MacKenzie. Here, try it again.”

This time, he presses up close, molding his body against hers, and cups her elbow to hold it steady while she shoots so she can’t flinch. She hits it this time and turns a little in his arms, eyes sparkling and bright and smile wide. “I did it! I mean, you assisted a little but I did it all on my own!”

It was more than a little but he’s not about to take away her joy. He watches as she practices over and over, gritting her teeth and hitting the can more often than not. He notices after the last of the minnie balls are gone, MacKenzie is slow when she lowers the rifle from her shoulder and he frowns a little in concern. “MacKenzie, are you injured?” He crosses over to her in spite of her protests and pushes the neck of her shirt aside.

There’s a bruise already blossoming against her shoulder, a dark bloom against pale skin. There’s the deep red that tells him she’s burst blood vessels too and while he’s no doctor, he knows plenty about injuries after growing up in his father’s house. “Darlin’, you should have stopped before now. I’ve got something to put on that if you want to ride back up to the house with me.”

“It’s...it’s fine,” MacKenzie stammers, her gaze shifting down to watch while he strokes his fingers against her skin. Her skin is so, so soft and it’s all he can do not to dip his head and kiss it. He doesn’t. Instead, he tries to be a little more stern than before. “I don’t care. I’m not going to have you injured because of me. You can ride up front.” MacKenzie sighs but relents, letting him slide his arms around her and lift her up to mount the horse. She probably doesn’t need it but he appreciates getting the chance to do it anyway. He swings up into the saddle behind her, sliding an arm around her waist before flicking the reins and squeezing his legs a little. He’s always been a gentle hand with a horse. Treat ‘em well, they’ll work hard.

He insists on helping her down even if she doesn’t need it and he holds her for a moment longer than necessary before heading into the house. He gets the liniment and takes her into a seldom-used guest room, brushing aside her shirt and keeping his fingers gentle against her skin. “You’re going to want to put this on later tonight too, before you go to bed. It’ll keep it from hurting so much. Next time we practice, I want you to wrap your shoulder.” 

MacKenzie murmurs softly in agreement and Will tips her chin up with his clean hand, bending down and kissing her without much warning. This kiss is tender and sweet but that doesn’t make it any less heated than the last one they shared; it’s just a little less desperate. MacKenzie parts her lips for him and he chases her tongue with his. He slides his other hand to her back and presses her up against him, letting her feel just how damn much she gets under his skin. He’s never been so affected by a woman the way he is by MacKenzie. 

“I should go,” she whispers softly after the kiss has broken. “Thank you, Will.” Will catches her mouth for one last kiss before nodding in agreement, thinking it’s probably best if she leaves because otherwise he’s going to carry her back to his bed and use his mouth on every inch of her soft, pale skin. 

“Until the next time,” he says, watching her go. Damn. He doesn’t know what it is about this woman but she drives him insane.


	3. Chapter 3

Storms come up quick in Nebraska but when the sky goes dark and the wind starts coming out of the northeast, Will rides out to the foreman’s cabin to collect MacKenzie. He doesn’t think she’ll be safe out there and he’d rather she was up in the big house if it’s going to be a bad one. MacKenzie, predictably, isn’t pleased.

“It’s just a damned storm, Will!” she shouts, the wind swallowing up the sound. It whips tendrils of her hair around her cheeks and her eyes are dark and just as dangerous as the clouds rolling in. “MacKenzie, I am not letting you stay out here! Ride up to the house with me and if it’s nothing, you can laugh about it later.” Her face is steely and annoyed but she offers her hand and he swings her up into the saddle in front of him. He kicks off and races back to the house, jumping a fence along the way to save time.

They get to the house just as the sky bottoms out and they’re both soaked even though it’s only a few feet to get inside. Thunder rolls and lightning strikes a tree on the far edge of his property, burning it black. MacKenzie’s wearing trousers and a shirt again and it’s soaked clean through, her nipples dark against the thin fabric. She shivers and he presses a kiss to her forehead. “Let’s get you something dry to wear.”

His own teeth are chattering but it’s nothing like MacKenzie and he’s a little shocked when she grabs his wrist and holds him close to her. Her other hand slides up behind his neck and she rises up on her toes to kiss him fiercely, teeth and tongue furious against his own mouth. Jesus. He slides his hands under her ass and lifts her up to press against him; MacKenzie wraps her legs around his waist in response. Will is more than used to doing his fair share of lifting around the ranch and MacKenzie is slight. It’s nothing to carry her from the kitchen to his bedroom, lips fastened to hers the entire time. God, he doesn’t think he’ll ever get enough of kissing that sweet mouth of hers and when he lays her against the bed, he can’t help but stare at her full, pink lips that seem permanently drawn into a little frown. She presses them together and laughs, soft and nervous.

Her fingers tremble when she unbuttons her shirt and once she’s shrugged out of it, Will catches one of her hands and kisses it lightly. “Am I the first?” She shakes her head quickly. He had thought, considering how comfortable she’d seemed with his kisses, that she was experienced in the bedroom and he didn’t have to worry about initiating her into this. He’s glad to see that’s true. MacKenzie unbuttons her trousers and stands up to step out of them. She’s bare now and when she unpins her hair from her ever-present chignon, it falls in a dark sheet around her shoulders.

It curls a little just beneath her breasts and he’s never seen anything more beautiful than the contrast of her pale, luminous skin and the dark shadow of her hair. Will presses his lips to her forehead. “Don’t be so nervous. I’ll take care of you.” It doesn’t seem to relax her much but Will doesn’t mind taking the time with her. Nobody’s ever gotten under his skin like MacKenzie McHale and maybe if he fucks her, he can stop thinking about having her under him every night. He only hopes she has the same affliction. 

“There’s only been one other,” she murmurs. “My fiance in New York. He broke off the engagement and made me return the ring.” It’s more than he’s known about MacKenzie in the entire three months that she’s been here and it explains why she’s come to the middle of nowhere to run her paper. MacKenzie has been running from something and has set her sights on the far side of the horizon, chasing the sunset from the safety of what she knows to the wild unknown. He has to admire that kind of bravery, especially considering he lives in the house he’d been born in and leads the only life a man around here ever does. He couldn’t imagine leaving it all behind to start over new.

Will sheds his clothes quickly, adding them to the pile of MacKenzie’s, and presses her back against the bed so he can kiss her again. It’s different now with her soft body beneath him and he props himself on his elbows, trying not to press his full weight against her. He kisses her chin, her neck and lingers at the hollow of her throat before sliding down to cup one of her full breasts in his hand. MacKenzie has curves and that surprises him. In her men’s shirts and slim trousers she looks slight and barely there but beneath all that, she has generous breasts and hips and long, long legs. He fixes his mouth against one nipple, sucking and teasing with his tongue and just a hint of his teeth. MacKenzie is loud and he loves it, moving to her other breast as he slides a hand down her body and between her thighs. 

She’s already slick from just a little kissing and he aims to make that worse, to drive her insane before he takes what he wants. He brushes his thumb against a place that, in his experience, has always made women cry out and beg for more and MacKenzie gasps, her eyes flying open. “Will? What are...where are you touching?” He rolls his thumb against her again, applying a little more pressure and MacKenzie moans. 

“That fiance of yours never taught you about this?” She shakes her head and he grins, kissing between her breasts before sliding down to kiss where his hand had just been. He can imagine if she’s never been touched like that before she hasn’t had someone do this and it pleases him that he’s the first for this if not for everything. He slides his hands under her ass and brings her closer to his mouth, licking and sucking and teasing. The wind is still wailing outside and thunder cracks again. MacKenzie’s hand pulls at his hair and her hips are bucking beneath his; Will slings his arm low across her belly to hold her still so he can tease her higher and higher. It’s easy to tell when she finds her pleasure because she screams, long and piercing, and he’s damned glad they’re the only ones in the house. He licks at her softly as she comes down and when he lifts his head, he sees that MacKenzie’s skin is flushed and her breath is coming quickly.

“Will, I’ve never...I didn’t know…” He presses a messy kiss to her hip and slides up to cover her again, his cock sinking into her slowly to let her acclimate. She’s tight and tense and he kisses her gently, wanting to soothe her. The last thing he wants is to hurt her because she’s not relaxed but her breathing is slow and even and her lips are curved up into a smile. He pulls back and rocks into her again, setting a steady rhythm, and MacKenzie’s nails curl into his shoulder. Goddamn. 

He has every intention of spilling against her belly and not inside her but when MacKenzie squeezes around him, he loses all control. He pillows his head against her sweat-slicked breast and tries to breathe, to slow down the rapid beating of his heart; MacKenzie’s seems to be going just as fast. It’s not smart, what he just did, but there’s something about MacKenzie that he can’t fucking resist and pulling out of her would have been something a damned saint couldn’t manage. 

“What on earth did you do to me? It’s like the world tilted and all the stars began to spin.” Will’s never heard it described that way but he reckons that’s why she’s the writer and he’s the rancher. He’s got a hell of a hand with horses but his words are plain and to the point. MacKenzie, on the other hand, pulls metaphors out of thin air. 

“Took care of you, MacKenzie. I promised I would.” And he’s damned satisfied that apparently this fiance of hers never did. MacKenzie McHale deserves to be happy. She sighs and turns so her head is pillowed against his chest. Will slides a hand through her silken hair, combing through the tangles. He’s never seen it down before and it’s long and luxurious, something he didn’t expect with her tendency to dress in men’s clothes and keep all hours at a damn newspaper office.

“That you did. I find that I surrender a little more of myself to you every day. Do you promise to keep me, Will McAvoy?”

Her eyes are sparkling and her tone is light and coy but Will finds the words are sticking in his throat. Yeah, he wants to keep her, but not in the way she thinks. He’d thought fucking her would kill this desire of his and end the fascination but it seems that the fire has been stoked to burn even higher. He doesn’t know if this is something that can last or if they catch like lightning and burn down to ashes. He doesn’t know and that scares him. 

“Yeah, darlin’. As long as you want.”


	4. Chapter 4

As summer slides into fall, Will sees less of MacKenzie than he’d like. He’s busy with the harvest and the slaughter and MacKenzie’s still working on her damned paper. He thought she’d get tired of it after a few months but it seems like her passing fancy is more or less here to stay. In mid-October, she sends her boy Jim to work as a hand with his crew since he wants to make a little extra pocket money and Will takes the opportunity to grill him and see what, exactly, his and MacKenzie’s relationship is.

Will can admit to being a little jealous. MacKenzie still stays down in the cabin more nights than not and when she’s not down there, she’s up at the newspaper office with Jim. Jim is younger than he and MacKenzie, barely more than a boy, but he’s still a man who is spending a hell of a lot of time with Will’s girl and he wants to make sure he’s a decent sort. Otherwise, well. A conversation will have to be had. 

“Surprised a city boy like you can ride.” Jim startles a little in the saddle and looks over at Will, whipping off his hat and fanning himself with it. It’s not hot outside so Will figures the boy must just be embarrassed. He grins a little, deciding to go easy on him for right now. If it seems like there’s something between him and MacKenzie, though, he might need to make his feelings known. 

“Picked it up. Seemed like a good skill when moving to Nebraska,” Jim says, smiling nervously. “I’ve learned that traveling with Mac means learning things at the drop of a hat.” _Mac_. It’s an endearment and it means Jim knows MacKenzie a lot better than Will assumed he had. Interesting. It could mean something and it could be nothing; he’ll reserve his judgment for the moment. 

“You been with MacKenzie for a long time?” Jim grips his reins tightly and nods, the motion jerky. He’s clearly not comfortable on a horse even if he does know how to ride and it’s a stark contrast from the ease that Will feels in the saddle. For much of his life, he’s felt more comfortable with horses than people and he’d always run away to the barn when his father got to be too much to bear. Will pets his mare affectionately and nods for Jim to continue.

“I sold papers on the street after school. I had a big sister and my mom and me, that’s it. Mac...MacKenzie thought I was something special, reined me in, trained me up. She’s like another sister or something. I don’t know what I would do without her. When Brian broke off their engagement and she wanted to run away, I couldn’t do anything but follow. Where she goes, I follow.” 

It seems like he’s not the only one MacKenzie has affected and while he still doesn’t like the fact that she spends so much time with another man, he feels like Jim, at least, doesn’t have any designs on her. He has ceased to try and figure out what MacKenzie’s thinking at any given moment. The woman’s completely unpredictable and unlike any woman he’s ever met in his life; she’s like trying to rope a twister with nothing but string. 

“Better get back to work. If you ride into town, tell MacKenzie I want her to come up to the big house before she turns in for the night?” 

If he has his way, she’ll be staying the night with him.

***

It’s after sundown and supper’s cooling on the table by the time MacKenzie rides up to the house. She lets herself in and Will looks up from his pie to see her in a green dress with little pink flowers on it. He’s only ever seen her in a gown and corset once and goddamn, it affects him. She’s beautiful no matter what but especially when it seems like he could span her waist with his hands and her breasts are pushed up and set off by a low neckline.

“Jim said you wanted to see me?” she asks, breathless, and she barely has her hat off before Will’s crossed the room to wrap her in his arms. He kisses her quickly, far from polite, and when he pulls away her mouth is red and her cheeks are flushed prettier than any rouge could make them. He brushes his fingers back against one cheek, just watching her. He’ll never get tired of it.

“I did. You can sleep up here, you know. It’s going to turn cold soon and that foreman’s cabin doesn’t heat well. A fire can only do so much to keep a body warm in winter.” MacKenzie rolls her eyes but her face is soft and amused. She brushes her fingers against his mouth. “And what, praytell, do you suggest that I do to survive my first Nebraskan winter? Do you have any ideas, Mr. McAvoy?”

He kisses her again, teeth tugging at that full lower lip of hers to make it pout that much more. “I’ve got a few. One of them is you sleeping up here with me every night instead of keeping the pretense of that cabin.” MacKenzie frowns a bit, more than usual, and shakes her head. “I couldn’t possibly, Will. It’s not proper.”

He wonders why a woman who ran away from everything she knew, a woman who regularly wears men’s clothes and rides back and forth to town as she pleases suddenly cares about what other people think of her. He catches her chin with his fingers and tips it up, looking into her eyes. God, she’s beautiful. 

“No? Been fucking me for three months now, MacKenzie, I’m pretty sure anyone who’d care already knows and hasn’t said anything. You might as well sleep up here with me at night instead of freezing yourself to death down in the cabin so you can be proper. Everyone’s talked about you the second you rode into town. I’m pretty sure between wearing men’s clothes and running your own damn paper, they don’t care whose bed you sleep in at night.”

MacKenzie sighs and her eyes drift shut, dark lashes fanning against her cheek. “I don’t think I like that word very much, Will. I’m not very familiar with it, of course, but I can infer your meaning and I really dislike how it sounds. And I know it’s stupid, I share your bed all the time, but I don’t want to be judged for it. It’s best if I maintain a separate residence.”

Will laughs and kisses her neck, slides his lips up to just beneath her ear. “I’m going to fuck you tonight, MacKenzie, and every night you’ll have me. I’ll fuck you nice and hard until all you can do is sigh because you’re so damned content. And you’ll want to stay up here with me no matter what people think.”

MacKenzie whimpers softly and Will pulls away just enough so that he can lead her back to his bedroom. It’s a lot harder to undress her like this but it’s worth it, especially when he undoes the dozens of buttons down her back and presses kisses to her soft skin as he does. He slides the gown off and MacKenzie steps out of it, standing there in just her chemise and drawers and that damned corset. 

There’s a hint of cleavage peeking out and he presses his lips to it before sliding his hands under her chemise and pulling down her drawers. Maybe it’s not what he should do but he wants to fuck her wearing this damn corset and then, later, he’ll undress her and try his best to keep his hands off her. He doesn’t think he’ll succeed. His own clothes don’t take that long and he falls back against the bed, bringing MacKenzie down to cover him. She’s tight and hot and in the past few months they’ve been together, he’s finished in her more times than he’s pulled out. It’s stupid and reckless but that’s just what MacKenzie does to him.

Tonight, though, he manages to pull out just in time and spills on her breasts instead of in her. MacKenzie gasps, clearly shocked, and he smiles at her. “Figured I’d be safe. But I’m not done with you yet.”

He’s well aware she hasn’t come and he’s getting to that, as soon as he gets the corset and chemise off her. His fingers are quick against the laces, plucking at them and pushing it down so he can get his hands on her bare skin. She helps, tossing her chemise over her head and sprawling in his bed like she belongs there. Jesus. 

He brushes his hand between her thighs and MacKenzie spreads them, giving him more access to do whatever he wants. He slides his knuckles against her cunt, surprised at just how slick she is, and slides his fingers in. Just one at first, then two, then three, crooked a little to tease her the best way he knows how. MacKenzie gasps when his thumb rocks against her and he moves faster, bringing her off fast and pumping his fingers to keep teasing to try and push her into another. He succeeds, though it’s a little softer than the first. 

Will slides up next to her in bed and kisses her temple lightly. He’s falling for her, as stupid as that is, and instead of getting her out of his system, it’s just gotten worse. She’s drowsy and quiet when he crosses over to his washstand to get a damp cloth to clean her up and she sighs a little, utterly content. He kisses her.

“Told you I’d make it so you were so content all you could do was sigh. Good for you, darlin?”

MacKenzie props on her elbows and nods, her grin just a little wicked. “Better than just good, I think. I really must work on expanding that vocabulary of yours, Mr. McAvoy. I think earth-shattering and mind-blowing are more apt descriptions.”

Well then.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As much as I don't like pregnancy in canon Newsroom fics, I thought that it worked here for many reasons. MacKenzie is a bit younger in this AU than she is in canon and pregnancy is a very real consequence of the sex she's been having with Will - it would be unrealistic in this setting for MacKenzie to not get pregnant since she hasn't been using a reliable method of birth control.
> 
> Pregnancy also provides a conflict for MacKenzie as it forces her to give up some of her independence and to rely upon Will a little more than she has been - but she will fight against that the whole way because any MacKenzie in any universe is an independent little spitfire.

MacKenzie has been trying to ignore this...problem for as long as possible but when there’s a fresh coat of snow on the ground and more falling from the sky, she breaks down one afternoon at the newspaper office and tells Jim what she’s suspected for the past few weeks: she is absolutely, positively carrying a child. It’s something she never had to worry about with Brian, as he always took the necessary precautions but MacKenzie hasn’t been quite so careful with Will McAvoy. More often than not, he’s finished in her instead of pulling away the way she had with Brian.

Which leads to an interesting dilemma.

“Are you absolutely sure, Mac?” Jim’s eyes are boyishly wide and he reaches out for her hand. She squeezes his gratefully, fingers tangling with his. Jim is a lifeline and a connection to her past in New York. The only thing that might be better would be her brothers but they’re both back in England with respectable marriages and beautiful children. Neither of them are as headstrong and impetuous as MacKenzie has always been.

“I’m certain. I’ve not had my monthly cycle for three months now and it makes sense that I might be with child. Will and I haven’t exactly been cautious about the act.” Jim flushes a little and shakes his head, very clearly not comfortable with discussing MacKenzie in conjunction with a sex act. Oh Jim. Her darling little brother in so many ways. 

“I’ll marry you,” Jim says quickly, completely without any hesitation. MacKenzie watches him for a moment to see if he’s joking and it’s evident that he isn’t. She laughs, equal parts nervous and impossibly awkward and shakes her head. “No, not yet. I have to figure out something to do but I won’t tie you down to marriage with me. I would be a terrible wife. Besides, who says I have to marry at all? I can just raise the child myself.” 

Jim arches his brow and rubs the bridge of his nose, leaving a streak of black ink down his pale skin. “Somehow I don’t think Mr. McAvoy would allow that. You need to tell him so he can make a decision about what he wants to happen. You don’t know how he feels about you or a baby and he might want to make an offer. If he doesn’t, and you want to preserve your reputation, I’ll marry you. No questions asked. If you don’t want to get married and want to raise the child yourself, I’m going to be standing right beside you. Where you go, I follow. That’s just how it is, Mac. It’s how it will always be.”

MacKenzie leans in and smacks a kiss against Jim’s forehead, earning a squeal and the heavy clatter of some piece of machinery off the printing press. She leans over a bit and sees Maggie from over Jim’s shoulder, face stricken and in shock. Curious. Very curious. MacKenzie gets up and helps clean up the mess, rueing the fact that the ink is never coming out of the carpet. It’s yet another thing she will owe Will McAvoy when all things are said and done. Maggie doesn’t say anything when MacKenzie asks how she is and she lets it lie. She has bigger problems at the moment.

***

The skies are grey and the snow falling thickly by the time MacKenzie gets her horse and starts riding back to the McAvoy ranch. She’s going to be frozen clear through by the time she gets there but she presses on anyway, trying to ignore the biting cold. She should have just stayed overnight at the newspaper office the way Jim planned to but instead, she’d decided to press on and come here instead of turning back.

She feels like she’s going to fall off her horse when the house comes in sight and Will’s there at the door to greet her, pulling her down from the horse and sending one of his hands to deal with stabling her. “Goddamn it, MacKenzie, you could have frozen to death.” His voice is more concerned than angry and MacKenzie nods, numb to the bone with cold. She has things to tell him, important things, but right now the only thing she can concentrate on is how impossibly cold she is at the moment.

Will sits her down near the fire and pulls a large pot out, leaning out the door to fill it with snow. MacKenzie isn’t entirely sure what he’s doing until she realizes he’s heating it to draw her a bath. The pump will be frozen solid but there’s plenty of water if they melt snow so it’s not exactly a waste. He carries the water back to his bedroom, where there’s a steel tub set in front of the bed. Clearly the bath was originally meant for him and not her. 

“Come on, Mac,” he says, fingers pulling at her shirt and trousers to pull them off. She’s thankfully only wearing a men’s singlet beneath her shirt and not a full corset. MacKenzie doesn’t even want to imagine what hell it would be to try and undo frozen laces. Once she’s completely bare, Will helps her into the tub and uses the pitcher from his bedside to pour water over her hair and melt the ice there. 

“Oh, thank goodness,” she murmurs, finally beginning to feel her fingers and toes again. “I thought I would freeze to death.” Will chuckles a little and moves to sit behind her, reaching his hands over the back of the tub to massage her neck and shoulders. “Yeah, well, I would recommend not riding in the middle of a goddamned blizzard, MacKenzie. Why the hell were you riding back here in weather like this?”

MacKenzie has always loved his hands. They’re long-fingered and beautiful, calloused from long hours of work on the ranch. Right now, he’s slipped them down to cup her breasts, thumbs brushing against aching and tender nipples. MacKenzie whimpers a little under her breath and squirms. It’s just too much sensation with how sensitive she is and Will pauses, his touch light as a feather. 

“So sensitive,” he murmurs. “Something you want to tell me, darlin? Something you think I haven’t noticed?”

Well damn. She’s well and caught now, isn’t she? 

MacKenzie swallows and tries to decide how, exactly, she wants to tell him what she needs to tell him. She decides the best place to do it is not in the bath and she takes Will’s hand, climbing out of the tub. He wraps her in a length of soft flannel and dries her before offering her a soft cotton nightgown to change into. MacKenzie slides it over her head and gives him a little smile, leaning in to brush a kiss against his cheek; Will turns his head and catches her mouth with his instead, one hand coming up to cup her chin as he deepens the kiss and presses her back toward the bed. As much as she hates it, she has things she needs to talk to him about and sex isn’t going to solve any problems.

“Will, no, I need...we need to talk. Please? Please just let me speak?” Will frowns a little but sits down on the edge of the bed, patting the space next to him so she can join him. MacKenzie sits and touches his knee lightly, trying to figure out the best way to impart this particular bit of news. “I’m...we’re going to be having a baby. I was careless with you and you were careless with me and I’ve not had my cycle in three months now. It’s not...there’s nothing you need to do. Jim has offered to marry me and there’s no need for you to be involved at all.”

The words keep tumbling out in spite of her desire to just shut up and Will presses two fingers against her lips, finally silencing her. He’s quiet for a long moment but when he speaks, his voice is husky and low with emotion. “MacKenzie? I’ve never wanted to be married. I’ve never wanted to be a father because it’s a responsibility that I’m real sure I’m not going to be ready for or good at. I never want to do anything I’m going to be bad at, you know? But if you think I’m the kind of man to deny my own flesh and blood, you’re wrong. You’re not marrying Jim. You’re marrying me. I’m the kind of man who stands up and does what’s right, even if it’s hard.”

MacKenzie’s heart sinks. This is exactly what she was afraid of, that he’d offer to marry her out of duty and the last thing she wants is a marriage solely to protect her reputation. It’s different with Jim. Jim loves her, in his way, and they’re best friends and confidants. There’s a relationship beyond this baby that she and Jim could foster and make work. She’s not sure there’s anything between she and Will McAvoy aside from a hell of a lot of stubbornness and passion. When he tires of her, then what?

“You shouldn’t marry me just for a baby,” MacKenzie argues. “You’ll be miserable and you know it. I’ll be miserable because you’re miserable. You’ll step out on me and everyone will know and I’ll be made a fool, I’m sure of it.” Will gives her a look, dark even though she’s sure he intended it to be mild and relatively blank. Will is not terribly good at hiding his emotions even if he thinks he’s an expert at it. MacKenzie knows that even after a few short months.

“I’m not going to step out on my wife,” Will bites out, dark and angry. “I’m not that kind of man. Besides, I’m not real sure why you think I’d need to. We seem to fuck plenty between us and I’m not going to step out on my wife for anything else. We’re getting married, end of discussion. We’re getting married and we’re raising this baby. I don’t turn my back on my family.” 

It’s frustrating beyond belief, mostly because MacKenzie is stuck. Society dictates that she cannot have this child on her own and that marriage is the only acceptable way for her to have sex. Marriage makes this child acceptable and no matter how much she wants to thumb her nose at society, it seems unfair to drag a child into it just to make her own point. Mind made up, MacKenzie nods slowly.

“Fine. We’ll marry. I’ll make it work if I have to.” Will presses his lips against her forehead and his hand comes up to play in her hair, tousling the strands. “MacKenzie, don’t make it sound like it’s so terrible. I’ll be good to you. It’s not planned but I’ll be good to you and I’ll be good to this baby. Besides, I already suspected.”

Now that _is_ shocking and she looks up, a frown on her face. He suspected there was a baby? For how long? How did he know?

Will strips down, tossing his clothes over toward the wardrobe and presses MacKenzie back against the bed. His lips trace a path from her ankle along her leg and linger a bit at her knee, kissing and nipping at the sensitive skin behind it. He pushes up the gown as he goes, exposing her skin to his mouth and hands and eyes. He kisses against her hip. “Been a little softer around here,” he says, sliding a hand across her belly. His lips go higher, tracing along the curve of one breast. 

“Bigger here. Sensitive, nipples swollen and tender to my touch, even when I’m gentle. I’m a rancher, MacKenzie, I can tell when a woman’s pregnant. I was just waiting on you to confirm it. I figured you wouldn’t tell me at all.” MacKenzie wants to be annoyed that he thinks so little of her but she stays her tongue because, honestly, he’s right. If there had been a way to run away and not tell him at all, she’d have found it. She’s been trapped into this and while she feels marginally better about it now than she did originally, it’s still not an ideal situation.

MacKenzie closes her eyes and squirms under his mouth, impossibly turned on and, as he said, sensitive to his touch. God, it’s like she aches for him every waking moment and she wants to just be rid of this insanity. All she wants is to be in his bed, to have his mouth and hands on her all hours of the day and night. It’s not love. It’s lust, pure and simple, but why hasn’t it burned out yet? Passion can’t last forever. Not like this. This threatens to consume them both. 

MacKenzie rolls over to straddle him, hands gripping his shoulders. Will smiles up at her and cups her hips in his hands, guiding her down onto him. God, it feels good. As much as they’ve been together since the first time this summer, MacKenzie doesn’t think she’ll ever tire of making love to Will McAvoy. Nobody has ever made her feel the way he does and while she intends to go slow, his thumb brushes against her where they join and she’s riding him hard, unable to go slow when he stokes the fire in her higher and higher on every pass.

She finds her pleasure at almost the same time he does his and collapses against him in pure ecstasy. She’s exhausted and breathing heavily and the world has narrowed down to the stroke of Will’s hand against her bare back and the beating of their hearts. There’s still blood rushing in her ears and Will is breathing heavily but right now? There’s no place else she’d rather be. No place in the entire world. 

“I’m going to take care of you,” he whispers, warm and low, and MacKenzie sighs. It’s not perfect, their situation, but she doesn’t think it will be unbearable by any stretch of the imagination.

“I only hope I can deserve it,” MacKenzie whispers back, trying to focus on the good things about this arrangement instead of dwelling on the worst possible outcomes. As a married woman, she’ll have more freedom to conduct her business without scrutiny from society. There’s Will’s permission to ask, of course, but MacKenzie doesn’t think that’s going to be any different than usual. She is her own woman. A name change and a ring on her finger is never, ever going to change that and if Will thinks he _is_ going to assert some dominance over her, he has another thing coming. She isn’t property. She isn’t some meek little wife content to listen to everything he says and never question it. She is MacKenzie McHale, editor of the Lancaster Star Journal and investigative reporter. None of that is going to change when she becomes MacKenzie McAvoy. 

None of it is going to change.


	6. Chapter 6

When Will wakes up, he realizes the snow’s still falling heavily outside and MacKenzie is soft in his arms. She’s still dozing and he doesn’t want to wake her so instead of getting up he settles in bed a little more, fingers finding her hair to stroke it. God, she’s beautiful, especially when she’s relaxed and not trying to get away from him. He knows MacKenzie likes being in bed with him, she wouldn’t keep coming back if she didn’t, but he wants to tempt her and and coax her into liking him the rest of the time.

There’s to be a baby and they’re going to marry. While Will’s sure that many have married for less out here, he wants a chance to develop a real relationship with MacKenzie that might someday turn to love. Passion’s all fine and good but it’s not going to last forever. Love is what’s going to keep them together long after the fire has burned out. He feels like he could love MacKenzie very easily if she’d just let him. 

“You seem comfortable,” MacKenzie whispers. Something about her voice when it’s all low and quiet like this reminds him of wrapping up in something soft and Will can’t recall a time when he was any more content than he is right now. He brushes a bit of her hair off her cheek, fingers sliding down her delicate cheekbone and down her jaw. Her skin is soft and pale in the dark. He should light a lamp but he doesn’t, not wanting to throw dark shadows and harsh light around the room. No. He’d rather look at MacKenzie like this. 

“Just content, Mac. I never thought about having a baby before but I’d be a liar if I didn’t say I was a little pleased about it. It’s a shock, sure, but it makes me happy.” She smiles and it’s like the whole damned room lights up; it’s almost as if MacKenzie didn’t trust his response before they fell asleep and it’s only now, when it’s dark and quiet and she’s wrapped up in his arms that she can trust he means it. 

He strokes his fingers down her shoulder and traces the curve of one breast. Unlike earlier, when he was trying his best to turn her on and tease her, now he’s just being affectionate. He smiles when he sees her skin flush anyway; goddamn, she responds to him in a way that makes any of his good intentions fly out the window. Will rolls her over to her back and slides his hand down the curve of her waist and draws it across her belly, trying to imagine how she’ll look in a few months when the baby’s grown enough to show. MacKenzie is a small woman and while he can see some changes already, he’s having trouble wrapping his mind around how she might look when heavily pregnant other than just plain beautiful. 

“What on earth are you thinking about?” she asks, laughing lightly. She doesn’t move to get away from him and Will shifts so he can trace all those beautiful curves with his mouth instead of his fingers. He kisses and teases her breasts, sucking at her and teasing with his teeth until her nipples peak in hard points. He kisses between her breasts and down, down, down until he can cup her hips and drag her up to his mouth to kiss and tease her there too. 

Will keeps it slow. There’s nothing more that he wants than to make her feel good right now. It’s not about him. His lips are soft against her and his tongue finds all the places that make her cry out, that make her thread her hand in his hair and pull, that make her whimper and beg for more and more. Her voice is broken and a little hoarse, begging, and he sucks against her and gives her everything she needs to just fall over the edge nice and easy. He doesn’t want to make her work for it, not right now. All he wants is for MacKenzie to feel good and to know that he cares about her more than he can possibly put into words. He wants her to feel cherished and wanted and needed because she’s all three of those things and more.

When she finishes, her breath comes a little ragged and Will keeps lapping at her until she’s come down completely. She laughs weakly beneath him and Will presses messy kisses against the insides of her thighs, unable to get enough of her creamy, soft skin and wanting to map out every single freckle with lips and teeth and tongue. He could drown here, drown in MacKenzie, and he doesn’t think he gives a damn whether or not he’s ever anywhere else but between her thighs. 

Will glances up at her from between her legs and smiles, the smile getting wider when MacKenzie’s face is so undeniably pleased that she could tell him that she hated him and he wouldn’t believe it. Not now, not when her face is soft with affection and emotion and her eyes are wide and dark in her pale face. “You’re beautiful,” he murmurs. It comes out a little huskier than he intends it and belies a hell of a lot of emotion that he probably shouldn’t be sharing with her right now. MacKenzie doesn’t seem to mind it.

“You’re beautiful, darlin,” he murmurs, kissing her hips again. MacKenzie’s fingers ruffle his hair a little and motion him up close; it’s automatic for Will to slide up beside her and let her sprawl against his chest. MacKenzie puts her head on his shoulder and works one of her long, slender legs between his and her fingers play lightly in the hair on his chest. “I’m not beautiful, Will. I’m pretty and have a decent form, for being so slight, but I’m not beautiful.”

It’s his turn to laugh and he does before stealing a kiss from her lips. “Liar. You know you’re beautiful. What’s worse? You know I think you’re beautiful. It’s about high time you started playing that card to your advantage. You could get anything you wanted out of me. Especially with him on the way,” he says softly.

“You’ve already decided I’m carrying a boy, then? Well. I hope you won’t be disappointed when little Eugenie is born, then.” 

Will shakes his head. “Not naming him that, darlin. If it’s a boy, I’ll pick and if it’s a girl, you pick?” MacKenzie nods and Will feels confident in his choice. He just knows it’s a boy, and, if he has his way, the first of several. No sense in the boy being all alone with no brothers or sisters.


	7. Chapter 7

The wedding is set for Christmas. It could have been earlier, except MacKenzie refuses to be married in a Catholic ceremony on account of being Anglican and a protestant minister can’t get to them until Christmas day. They could have had a Lutheran service done in German but neither MacKenzie nor he speak it so they wait on a traveling Methodist minister to do the service instead. This gives MacKenzie time to let out one of her looser dresses to serve as a wedding gown and for Will to see about a ring. 

Before his mother died, she’d given him her ring for when he decided to finally settle down but Will had assumed he never would. He’d never really been interested in marriage before and while he’s all right with getting married to MacKenzie, he’s not sure he would have without the baby on the way. It’s all this that makes him wonder if he ought to give MacKenzie his mother’s ring or if he should just have one made for her by a jeweler. There’s time yet to have one sent from Omaha.

Still, the thought of marrying MacKenzie with anything other than his mother’s slim gold band tugs at his heart and he tries to imagine what she’d have to say on the subject. She’d be glad he was marrying, regardless of the reason, but she’d tell him to be sure to be happy. Happiness, the one thing that always eluded Elizabeth McAvoy, is the one thing she always wanted for him. Mind made up, he tucks the ring into his pocket to show to MacKenzie, to see if it will fit on her finger.

“I’ve got something for you to try on,” Will says, finding MacKenzie in a little sitting room she’s been using lately to work on her dress. She looks up from what seems like a mountain of green silk and her hair’s coming down in messy little tendrils around her face. She looks a little harried and annoyed and Will hopes the ring will make her smile just a bit. “Give me your hand?”

She offers it and he cups it in both of his for a moment before sliding the narrow band of gold around her finger. It fits, though it’s a little snug, and Will gives her a smile. “Good. That’s one thing taken care of. When the minister comes around to marry us, I’ll have this so he can bless it.” MacKenzie looks at the ring for a moment but doesn’t say anything and tugs it off to deposit it in his open palm.

“Maybe I’ll be done with this dress by the time we have the wedding,” MacKenzie says softly, turning back to her sewing. Will drops a kiss on her head and he can’t help but be a little happy, effervescent joy bubbling up and threatening to take over. The circumstances are bad but MacKenzie makes him happy in a way other women he’s been with just doesn’t and if he’s got to marry one, he’s glad it’s her.

***

The ceremony is a small one. There’s still snow on the ground and the only attendees are those who live on his ranch - a couple hands, Jim and Maggie, his housekeeper. MacKenzie looks pale and a little worse for the wear Christmas morning but Will knows she spent half the night sick with the baby and no amount of sponging off her face or holding her head in his lap seemed to help it. He hopes she’s over that part soon because he hates seeing her so miserable.

His voice is smooth and confident while he exchanges vows with her but his hands tremble a little when he slides the ring onto her finger. They share a brief, polite kiss and there’s good cheer and well wishes to go around. Most everyone clears out quickly, even his housekeeper, and he and MacKenzie are left with an empty house. MacKenzie is staring out the window, watching the snow fall, and Will slides his arms around her from behind.

“What’s going on? You’re quiet,” he murmurs, kissing her neck lightly. MacKenzie sighs and it’s heavy in the empty room. “Nothing, Will. Everything’s fine. I assure you, I’m just exhausted from being ill last night. My friends who have had children told me it is normal to be sick at your stomach while carrying a child and I’m just a little tired.” It seems like a lot of explanation for something Will already knows and he lays his hand low against her belly. The gown she’s in today hides it a little with a high waist and a loose skirt but there’s a curve there that wasn’t as evident a few weeks ago. 

“Don’t lie to me, Mac. What’s going on?” MacKenzie sighs again and turns. Will can see her face now and her eyes are red-rimmed from crying. Damn. Is she really this miserable about marrying him? He knows it’s not the best situation but he thought MacKenzie was happy enough with him to be all right with a marriage. He doesn’t like the idea that someone he cares so much about is crying her eyes out on their wedding day. Will tips her chin up with his fingers, hoping to get to the bottom of it.

“I sent a telegraph to my parents, who are still in New York. They told me, in no uncertain terms, that they refused to come to our wedding or acknowledge my child. I am well and truly alone. They sail back to England after the new year.” Will tries to think of what he can say about that and he finds there’s nothing adequate. There’s nothing that compares to the anguish you feel when betrayed by a parent and he knows that better than most, considering his drunk, good-for-nothing father. Instead of offering platitudes, he slides his arms around MacKenzie and kisses the top of her head. 

“I’m sorry, MacKenzie. I’d ask if I can make it up to you but I know that I probably can’t. Do you want my help getting out of that dress so you can lay down and relax?” MacKenzie mumbles a yes against his shirt and he hugs her for a few moments longer before pulling away to lead her back to their bedroom. She’s moved in most of her things over the past few weeks and Jim has fully taken over the foreman’s cabin, along with a woodstove that Will built for him to make sure the boy doesn’t freeze to death. 

He unbuttons the dress and carefully slides it down so MacKenzie can step out of it, laying it over a chair before going back to deal with the rest of her clothes. There’s a corset and a chemise and a petticoat to deal with and he takes his time removing each. His fingers brush lightly at the skin above the tops of her stockings but he doesn’t make a move to do anything more untoward; it’s his wedding night, sure, but MacKenzie’s upset and not feeling well and there’s plenty of ways he can be a husband to his wife without breaking in their marriage bed. His own clothes are easy enough to deal with after hers and she’s already slid into bed by the time he follows. 

“C’mere, MacKenzie,” he murmurs, pulling her close so she’s sprawled against his chest. She’s not crying but she still seems upset and he rubs her back lightly, trying to ignore how his body reacts to having her breasts and belly pressed right up against him. The knowledge that she’s carrying his son (or daughter, but he really wants a son) riles him up like nothing ever has before. He’s ruined for other women.

“I’m gonna take care of you and this baby,” he promises her. These promises are easy in the quiet of their bedroom on a cold winter night but he thinks he’ll be able to keep it regardless. Marriage is work, sure, but he’s willing to put in the work for someone as fantastic as MacKenzie. He’s falling for her. He’s falling for her hard and fast and he hasn’t ever really trusted his heart to another woman before. He’s shared their bed, sure. He’s had friendships. But he’s never really been in love with anyone else before and he honestly thinks what he feels for MacKenzie right now might well be the beginning of it. 

“I know,” MacKenzie says quietly. “You’re not the sort of man to shirk your duties. I just fear what may happen once the passion between us burns out. We’re sort of stuck, aren’t we?” Will slides his hand through her hair, letting the silky strands of it wind around his fingers. He doesn’t like to think about MacKenzie or the baby as a duty, even if a certain responsibility comes with being married and providing for your wife and child. “I always thought I would...I always thought that I would marry for love, that I would be head over heels for the man I married.” 

MacKenzie looks up at him then and she’s so goddamn beautiful even if the words she’s using hurt. She’s barely even given him a chance, really, and she’s already written off being in love with him? Will tries to hide his hurt. He knows her parents dealt her a blow and she’s been sick with the baby and there’s a hell of a lot going on in her life that doesn’t have to do with him at all.

“Were you in love with Brian, then? Your fiance from back in New York?” MacKenzie looks contemplative for a moment before shaking her head. “I don’t think so. I think I was in love with the idea of being married and being the wife of a prominent man. I liked the flattery I got for it. I liked planning our wedding. I was devastated when things went badly but it was I who broke it off, not Brian. I lied in order to save face with everyone and I ran here because I just...I wanted to be free of it. The thing I so wanted became an albatross around my neck and I had to just break free and be someone new.” 

He’s comforted she’s not still harboring feelings for her fiance but he doesn’t like that she thinks of him as part of something new, some reinvention of herself. MacKenzie’s woken up feelings in him that he’s damn sure he’s never had before and he wants for them to be reciprocated so badly that he could scream. Still, telling her how he feels is probably only going to end badly for them both, especially right now when she’s a little tender.

“Well. If you ever feel like running again, tell me. I don’t want to make you unhappy or make you feel like you’re trapped.” MacKenzie looks up at him, face utterly stricken. She starts shaking her head and the apologies fall from her lips like rain. “Oh God, Will! You must think I’m terrible, laying in your arms on our wedding night and talking about running away from everything. I’m not...I’m content with you. I’m still a bit upset about the baby and my parents and even Brian but none of it is anything to do with you.”

She kisses him softly, just a brief touch of her lips to his. “I just don’t want to get hurt if you find that you don’t care for me quite as much once the passion in our bed subsides. I know eventually our ardor will cool and I don’t want to be left with nothing but ashes.”

Will is personally of the opinion that he’s always going to want her but he doesn’t voice it. Neither does he say that he’s falling in love with her because that’s just a surefire way of getting hurt. Instead, he rolls her beneath him and kisses her long and hard, pulling away to see her mouth swollen and pink and her skin a little flushed. 

“I’m thinking you’re worrying too much, MacKenzie. Just let me be a husband as best I can and we’ll figure it out as we go.”


	8. Chapter 8

Will has a problem. That problem mostly consists of the fact that MacKenzie’s pregnant body is driving him damned insane and he can’t spend his time in the house fucking her when spring’s come and there’s calving to deal with. He spends long hours in the saddle, dealing with the calves as well as driving the cattle up to the summer range so they can graze for a few months before the roundup in the fall and it helps some with how distracted he is but not nearly enough.

He doesn’t want MacKenzie sitting a horse any longer now that she’s got the baby so he arranges for her to drive a wagon back and forth to town instead. Maggie appreciates it but he notices that Jim takes to riding his horse more than in the wagon with MacKenzie. When he finds the chance to ask him about it, Jim promptly informs him that MacKenzie drives like a madwoman and it’s a damned miracle his draft horses have survived it. Figures. MacKenzie does everything like a madwoman.

Today, he’s been in the saddle since sunup but he has a desire to see his wife. It feels like it’s been weeks since he was game enough for much more than to just drop into bed beside her for a few hours in the dead of night and he wants more than that tonight. When he rides up to the house, he pokes his head in before getting out of his muddy boots and rain-sodden clothes; spring storms come up quick. MacKenzie startles a little, the movement making little clouds of flour rise up into the air. It seems she’s been attempting cooking again and Will hopes he isn’t going to have to sample it. 

“You look like you’ve seen a ghost, Darlin,” he teases, getting a laugh out of MacKenzie. “Well. It’s been so long since I’ve seen you for more than a few minutes here and there that I suspected you’d died and come back to haunt me. I’m glad to see it’s not the case.”

Will changes into fresh clothes right there in the doorway. No point in being modest when there’s only hands and his wife around and he doesn’t want to bring mud into the sparkling clean house. He tugs his pants up and crosses the room to put his hands on her, arms finding their way around her waist and tugging her close enough that her belly presses right up against him. She’s showing now no matter what she wears and he slides his hand down to cup the curve, glad when he’s rewarded with a fluttering kick for his troubles. 

“How’s my son today?” he asks, getting an irritated little frown from MacKenzie. “We don’t know that I’m having a boy, Will, but the baby is perfectly fine. Very active, likes to kick about quite a bit. I like that. It puts my mind at ease that everything’s going all right in there.” Will is comforted by that too. He likes knowing his son is strong and healthy and that MacKenzie, by extension, is also strong and healthy. She’s so slight. He worries a little about her delivering a baby but he guesses that women have been doing it since the dawn of time and MacKenzie will do just fine.

“Thinking we need to just leave this food for a while and go get reacquainted,” Will says, not being subtle at all about what he wants. He hasn’t seen MacKenzie much over the past few weeks and having her in his arms now is enough to make him just ache with wanting her. He nuzzles at her neck, lips and teeth nipping at her soft, soft skin. Even months of living on a ranch hasn’t affected that and MacKenzie’s skin is as creamy and smooth as it was the first day he met her outside her office.

MacKenzie looks forlornly at her attempts to cook and sighs, put upon. Will arches his brow and she bursts into giggles. It seems she’s as eager as he is, based on the way she slides her hand in his and tugs him down toward the bedroom. She barely has the door shut behind them before she’s reaching behind her to undo her buttons, sliding off her dress and the chemise and drawers beneath it. MacKenzie hasn’t been wearing a corset for a while now and Will is lost for a moment staring at breasts and belly. 

He shucks off his own clothes and reaches for her, hands coming up to cup her cheeks as he kisses her long and slow. God, he loves kissing MacKenzie, loves the little whimpers she makes when he tugs at her lower lip with his teeth and cups the back of her neck with his hand. Still, there’s something else he wants right this second and maybe MacKenzie will oblige him. “Sit on the edge of the bed for me, MacKenzie.”

She gives him a skeptical look but sits, taking one of the pillows to tuck behind her back. Will brushes his hand back against her cheek and reaches for her hand, wrapping it around the base of his cock. “Haven’t had that pretty mouth of yours on me yet. It’s something I like, even if I like being in you more than that.” MacKenzie’s skeptical look deepens into a frown and she scoffs, which makes him laugh. For all they’ve done together, she’s going to be a prude about this?

“I won’t. I hate it. Brian made me do it and I absolutely hated it which is why I haven’t offered before now.” That’s...different. Will settles on the edge of the bed with her, fingers rubbing lightly at the back of her neck in an attempt to comfort her. “What’d he do that made you hate it so much, Mac? I mean, I’m not going to force you to do anything but maybe it’s more about him than the act.” He hopes, anyway.

MacKenzie tosses her head and scoffs again, not bothering to hide her disdain. “I have no desire whatsoever to have my hair pulled and to be choked when trying desperately to breathe. Perhaps that’s pleasurable for you but it’s horrible for me.” Will finds the pins in her hair and starts plucking them out, combing his fingers through the silken strands to work out the tangles. Just as he’d thought, it’s more about Brian than the act itself and he presses a soft kiss to her temple.

“Mac, darlin’. When have I ever hurt you? Just because he’s an ass who doesn’t know how to treat a woman doesn’t mean we all are. What if I promised to let you control it? To be so slow and soft that you could pull away any time you wanted? Would you give it a try for me?” MacKenzie frowns a bit but this time it seems like she’s thinking, turning it over in her mind for consideration, and she nods. 

“I suppose I could give it a try. But it stops when I say, all right? Don’t you dare let your bestial instincts take over.” Will suppresses a laugh and shifts to stand. With MacKenzie on the edge of the bed, she’s the perfect height to take him into her mouth while still being comfortable; there’s no way he’ll make her go down on her knees now. MacKenzie’s mouth is soft and tentative as she takes him in, just the tip, and Will rests his hand on her hair. He doesn’t push her head down or pull her hair but it’s hard not to when MacKenzie slides her mouth down a little more and sucks.

Jesus. Her mouth is still soft but it’s enough to make him rock his hips a little and thread his fingers deeper in her hair. “So good, Mac,” he praises, and MacKenzie sucks a little harder. Will lets it go on for a few moments before pulling away; MacKenzie looks up at him with a pout on her pretty face and a flush across her cheeks.

“Don’t want to finish that way,” he explains, going down on his knees in front of her. He cups her hips and tugs her so he can put his mouth against her, mindful of supporting her so her back doesn’t hurt. He’s had to get creative over the last little while since her belly’s grown and she can’t go about things in the traditional way but Will doesn’t mind a little creativity. He doesn’t mind it at all when it means he can make her feel good.

He keeps his mouth soft, seeking out the places that will make her cry out and pulling away before she can reach a climax. He does this over and over, until sweat sheens on MacKenzie’s brow and she presses his head against her with the palm of her hand, pushing him down until all he can smell and taste is right between MacKenzie’s thighs. He takes pity on her then and sucks hard at the place that will knock her right over the edge; he’s rewarded when MacKenzie cries out and curses in a high-pitched whimper. 

Will grins at her, satisfied, and helps put her on her side before moving behind her, tugging one leg back over his hip to expose her to him. He can’t get deep this way but that’s all right. He moves as much as he can, slow rocking strokes, and he works his fingers over her belly and down between her legs to work her to another climax while he’s buried in her. Feeling her hot and tight around his cock is enough and he thrusts a few more times, teeth sinking into her shoulder when he finally comes. When Will gets his wits about himself again, he kisses and soothes the red little mark.

“Sorry, darlin’. I didn’t mean to bite.” MacKenzie laughs and wriggles a little so her ass is pressed right up against him. She is completely and absolutely shameless and Will loves her for it. “I love you. Don’t ever want to hurt you.”

MacKenzie is quiet but she doesn’t move away. It’s not lost on him that she doesn’t say it back but maybe she just needs a little time.


	9. Chapter 9

It’s early June now and as bitterly cold as it had been over the winter, it’s hot now and MacKenzie cannot stand it. She feels like everything is magnified in her overly-pregnant body and the only thing she ever feels like doing is laying around with as little on as possible. It feels like she’ll never be cool again and she hates it. She absolutely hates it. 

Her temper is short these days and it doesn’t take much to tip her from red-faced and angry to weeping. She hates that too. Something about this child in her womb has made her go completely mad and she isn’t sure which way is up. It’s raining and storming today, making the yard a muddy mess, and when Will rides in, his hair is plastered to his head even through his hat. 

Suddenly, she loses it. She’s never wanted anyone more than she wants him _right now_ and she doesn’t care that he’s plastered with mud and soaking wet and she’s clean and dry. She drags him in through the kitchen and down to the bedroom, ignoring the maelstrom of water pooling beneath their feet and pulls at his wet clothes, fingers clumsy against rain-sodden fabric. Will holds up his hands and tries to help but she pushes them away. Oh no. She’s going to do this herself. 

She manages to get his belt and denim trousers undone and pushed down part of the way before he grins and spins her around so she isn’t facing him. He pushes her back against the bed, down on her knees, and drags two fingers between her thighs to tweak at her clitoris. She has never wanted anything or anyone more than Will McAvoy and he rucks up her gown just enough to slide his cock into her; his wet shirt is cold against the bare skin of her back. 

“No, harder,” she whines, spreading her thighs as much as she can. Her belly is heavy and it’s hard to tip her bottom up high enough to expose herself the way she wants. Will is being more careful than she’d like but she feels rubbed raw, exposed, and needs something to slake this ridiculous thirst of hers. She feels starved for touch, as if Will hasn’t been touching her more or less nonstop for the last year. She feels his hands slide beneath her and one cups her breast, finger and thumb teasing her nipple into a hard little peak. She whimpers and squirms and he rewards her by thrusting deep and touching her where they join, rubbing furiously to try and bring her to the climax she’s been craving. She starts and it’s not nearly enough; her groan chokes off into a whimper and she sobs, begging for more. 

Will thrusts deep then, hard, and it’s only after he loses himself in her that she loses herself too. “I love you, I love you, I love you,” she cries out, the dam walling up her feelings breaking loose and letting everything cascade out. He pulls away and finishes undressing them both, hands tender and lips soft against every inch of her skin. God, she loves him. It’s so stupid she hasn’t said so before now. 

“Are you all right, Mac?” he asks, laying down so that he’s facing her. She’s still crying a little and she nods, tears rolling down her cheeks. Will reaches out and brushes them away, fingers gentle against her skin even though his fingers are calloused. “Darlin, what’s going on? I’ve never seen you cry like this. What’d I do?”

MacKenzie shakes her head. “Nothing, Will, everything’s fine. I’ve just been so temperamental with the baby on the way and I’m just feeling quite a lot of things right now. I’m so sorry if I frightened you.” He soothes her hair and starts singing in a low, soft voice. She’s never heard Will sing before but he sounds beautiful and it lulls her into sleep in a way she never expected. Will is precious to her now, tender and sweet, and she wonders why she hasn’t been able to say she loves him before now.

Satisfied, Will kisses her forehead and gets up to spoon behind her, holding her close in the only way they can manage it right now. It feels wonderful, except there’s pain in her low back that’s a little sharper than her usual aches and pains. “Will? I think...I think the baby might come soon. Tonight or tomorrow. You should ride for the doctor, I think.” 

He kisses her shoulder softly. “Be back soon as I can. I’ll send Jim and Maggie up here to sit with you, all right? Just hang on for me.”

MacKenzie isn’t entirely certain how long labor will take so she’s a bit nervous at being left alone for even a short amount of time. It feels like ages when she hears someone come back into the house and MacKenzie throws on her nightgown and a dressing gown before going out to see who it is. 

“Mac! Ji...Jim went with Mr. McAvoy,” Maggie stutters out, breathless and soaked from the run up to the house. “I told them I would stay so you would have some help if the baby started coming before they got back. I helped with all of my mama’s.” That’s a comfort, even if Maggie isn’t exactly someone MacKenzie thinks would be cool-headed in a crisis. Then again, neither is she. While she’s learned to shoot a rifle, she doesn’t think she could manage to hit anything aside from a target.

“Right now, I think I simply need to be distracted,” MacKenzie says, giving the young woman a tight smile. “So if you can distract me and get some things ready for the doctor, I would be grateful.” Maggie starts stoking the fire and filling up large washtubs with water - which she later explains is to sterilize anything the doctor might need to use. She clearly has more knowledge about this than MacKenzie had credited her with.

“I’ve been researching land claims. Someone named Reese Lansing’s been buying up everything around the ranch,” she says, frowning a little. “I haven’t decided what it means yet. Maybe he’s going to lease it to farmers or something, right? Doesn’t that make sense?” MacKenzie isn’t sure. The type of land used for ranching isn’t necessarily the same as arable farmland but water is usually a commodity desired by both. Perhaps it’s a water issue.

“And the sheriff died. We’re going to have an election. This...just happened.” MacKenzie feels so out of the loop after months of living with Will and wonders if she’ll ever get back into the swing of her paper. It seems to be doing fine without her, which is comforting, but she still misses being able to write her own stories and print them and see her hard work come to fruition.

“Any...oh, oh God, it hurts, Maggie!” MacKenzie bites her lip hard enough to draw blood and her hands are trembling from the pain. She wonders if she and Will should have made love so late in the pregnancy and if she’d caused things to be worse by being so selfish but she’d wanted him so badly and he’d seemed happy to oblige her. She thought it would be safe enough. She had assumed nothing could happen to the child in that particular act but maybe she was wrong on that account. 

“MacKenzie, let’s get you in bed,” Maggie says, sliding her arms around her and hauling her back to the spare bedroom to lie down. There’s a strength in Maggie that MacKenzie underestimated and she imagines that many do. Instead of being a sobbing mess as MacKenzie thinks she’d be in the reverse situation, she’s surprisingly calm. She’s a godsend. “Just relax, MacKenzie. Breathe. Mr. McAvoy’s going to be back soon, I promise. He wouldn’t leave you here. He’s going to get the doctor and there’s so much rain. That’s all. He’s running fast as he can and Jim’s right behind him with the wagon.”

Another wave of pain wracks her body and MacKenzie can’t do much more than scream in pain, hands curling into the sheets and nearly tearing them in two. He has to _hurry._


	10. Chapter 10

Will is trying to ride as hard as he can but with the rain and mud, there’s only so hard he can push without laming his horse. When he finally gets to the doctor, he bangs on the door to get him out and Jim is nowhere in sight with the wagon. It’s no good. He hates to do it but they’re going to have to ride back on this horse even though he’s sure the doctor is going to have a hell of a time hanging on. Doesn’t matter. This is his wife and son and he’ll do anything he can to keep them safe.

He passes Jim on the road through town and barrels past as fast as he dares, the doctor’s hands clawing into him to hang on. The wind’s picking up and lightning strikes a tree in the distance, the fire sizzling and smoking out in the heavy rain. When they finally get back to the house, Will throws open the door and doesn’t worry about tracking the mud through the house. His heart catches in his throat when he hears the squalling of a baby because that’s his _son_ crying, his son, and he can’t wait to see MacKenzie and tell her how much he loves her and how sorry he is that he was too late. When he manages to get into the doorway of the guest room, it’s Maggie holding the baby and not MacKenzie.

“She’s...she passed out, Mr. McAvoy,” she says, shifting the baby a little. Will reaches for the baby and cradles it gently in his arms, cooing and trying to soothe him. “It’s a boy,” Maggie says softly and Will can’t help but smile, even if the other half of his heart is laying in the bed pale and weak. The doctor takes her pulse and does a few things, shoving smelling salts under MacKenzie’s nose to rouse her. She does rouse, blinking awake slowly, and her words are slurred and confused. 

“Baby came? Already?” Will moves to sit on the edge of the bed and tries to ignore all the blood-stained cloth littering the room. So much blood. “He did,” Will murmurs, shifting the baby in his arms so he can reach out and brush his fingers against MacKenzie’s cheek. “He’s beautiful, Mac. So beautiful. I’m so lucky.” MacKenzie sighs and falls back against the pillow, closing her eyes. “I’m going to name him Daniel,” Will tells her, helping her get the baby into her arms so she can nurse. That done, he and the doctor leave the room and let Maggie keep MacKenzie company for a little while.

“Mr. McAvoy, I will be frank with you. Your wife has far too small a frame to carry children and you should have been more respectful of that before asserting your marital rights. This was a difficult birth for her. She will be weak for a while and I do not want her exerting herself in any manner. Nothing. I know a rancher’s wife needs to do quite a lot of things but if you want her to regain her strength, you will need to let her rest.” Will doesn’t appreciate the tongue lashing from this doctor because he thinks that MacKenzie is stronger than she looks but he nods anyway. The last thing he wants is to hurt MacKenzie. 

He pays the doctor and heads back into the room. MacKenzie is still awake even if there’s dark shadows beneath her eyes and her skin is paler than it should be. The baby, however, is fast asleep, having drunk his fill and nestled against his mother to sleep. Will doesn’t think he’s ever seen anything so beautiful. Will turns and looks at Maggie, giving her a little smile. “Maggie, I’ve got to thank you for helping MacKenzie today. Good job, kid. I would have been a madman.”

She shrugs like it’s nothing and he gets her help in moving the baby to put him in the little cradle in MacKenzie and Will’s bedroom so that Will can move MacKenzie from this guest bed to her own bed. She’s slight enough that it’s easy to lift her into his arms and carry her into the bedroom. He sets her on her feet long enough to change her into a fresh nightgown before easing her into the bed, fingers stroking sweat-soaked hair off her cheeks and forehead. 

“Maggie’s going to stay for a few days to help you,” he says, voice shaking a little involuntarily. God, the idea he might have lost her has him shaken up and he can’t imagine his life without her or without their son. He hopes she feels just as strongly about him, needs him and loves him and wants him as much as he wants her. Their coming together hadn’t been planned and they butt heads all the time but there’s nobody else he wants. Nobody but her. 

“Mmm, good idea. I’m still not feeling well. What did the doctor say?” This is a little trickier, because it means that she’ll be restricted from doing a lot of the things she likes doing - sitting a horse, working on her paper. He still has his housekeeper to keep up with the housework and the cooking but MacKenzie needs to focus on feeling better and taking care of their son, nothing else. Not until she’s well. 

“He says this was hard on you and you’ve got to rest. He doesn’t want you doing anything for a while except taking care of Daniel. I’ve got help for the house but Mac, darlin, you can’t sit a horse or run back to town to work on that paper yet. Anything you do, I want you to do it from home and from bed.” MacKenzie frowns deeply and there’s color in her cheeks now because she’s angry. Good. He would rather see this fire than the pale, ill woman he’s seen for most of the day. 

“Just because I’ve given birth doesn’t mean I’m only a mother! I refuse to have my paper taken from me, Will McAvoy, and I will fight! He didn’t really say that, now did he?” Will sighs and rubs his hand over his face, trying to decide how much he should tell her about what the doctor said. Would it scare her to know how close she came? Would she worry about overexerting herself and lose that fire? Would he keep MacKenzie but lose the things about her that he loves because she’s frightened of pushing herself too far?

“MacKenzie, dammit, the doctor says you’ve got to rest. Says you’re too small to bear children and that I should have been more careful. Please tell me you’re going to heed his words? I can’t do this without you.” His voice is a little broken, pleading, and MacKenzie’s face softens a little as she begins to comprehend it. She nods once, firm, and reaches out for his hand. He tangles his fingers with hers and squeezes as tightly as he dares, taking comfort in just how strong her grip is. His MacKenzie is going to be just fine. 

“I’ll rest. For a spell. But eventually I want to begin to do all the things I did before this pregnancy. A marriage between us will never work if you do not allow me my freedoms, Will. You know this. You know that I will never be happy if you try to keep me in a cage and denying me that which I love will only drive me from your arms. Please, please respect this. Please?” Will feels like his tongue’s turned to iron. He wants to tell her that he loves her and if he loses her when he had a chance to protect her, he’ll hate himself. Instead, he squeezes her hand tightly and draws it up to press his lips against her knuckles.

“Darlin, you’ve got to try to rest for me. I can’t lose you. Hear me?” 

MacKenzie nods and drifts back to sleep, exhausted from the day’s ordeal. Will stays up with a bottle of whiskey, watching his son as he sleeps in the cradle only a few steps from his bed. He’s never felt such a mix of emotions before - absolute elation over the birth of this baby but frustration and fear because MacKenzie’s so damn stubborn. 

He just hopes she listens.


	11. Chapter 11

MacKenzie doesn’t like being in bed and it makes the house tense. Will feels like she resents him for breathing for the most part so he clears out and spends long days in the saddle. When the weather’s bad and he’s not riding the fence lines to check stock, he tends to spend the hours with his son. There’s nothing in this world he’s ever loved more than little Daniel James McAvoy.

There’s only a little of MacKenzie in him six weeks out. What little hair he has is blonde and thin and his eyes are a bright blue. His mouth, though, that seems to be MacKenzie’s and it’s permanently in a little frown. Will knows that his son’s too young to smile yet but he wonders if he’ll inherit MacKenzie’s quick laugh or the way her eyes crinkle up at the corners when she smiles. He hopes so. He wants this baby to tie the two of them together so tightly that he’ll never lose her.

It’s something he still worries about every day, especially with MacKenzie restless and miserable. The doctor says she’s regained most of her strength and can start doing a little more around the house and make trips into town and Will swears that’s the first time he’s seen her smile since this baby came. He tries to make it easier on her. There’s his housekeeper to do the cooking and the cleaning and Maggie comes in to help with laundry and to keep MacKenzie company during the long days. Maggie, bless her heart, never complains. 

It’s almost autumn now and Will has to head out to the roundup soon. His cattle have spent all summer grazing God only knows where and it’s time to gather them up and bring them closer to home to spend the winter. He hopes some of his cows are pregnant, too, because that means good calves for the spring and a good future for his family. While Will’s always been concerned about these things, he’s more concerned now than he’s ever been before that little Daniel has plenty to see him through after he’s gone.

Will tries to be quiet as he heads into the house and he takes his boots off at the door, not wanting to track mud across clean-swept floors. He heads back to the master bedroom and finds MacKenzie in bed with Daniel suckling at her breast while she tries to balance a book in her other hand. Will can’t help but be happy to see them both and he crosses the room, kissing the top of MacKenzie’s head.

“Don’t you look beautiful?” His wife makes a disgusted little face and shifts Daniel a little, getting him into a more comfortable position. “It’s that terrible? Doctor said you can get out and about a little if you want.” Will settles on the edge of the bed next to her and runs his fingers along the inside of one of her feet, petting her affectionately. MacKenzie scowls a little more. 

“Yes, I’ll be getting out as soon as I can. I think I’m going stir crazy in this house and some time out of doors will hopefully cure me of that. I’m dreadfully bored. I don’t know how women stay home with children all day. Maggie is a great help to me, of course, but I miss being able to oversee my paper in person. Circulation is up, you know. Jim says it’s up by fifty percent! And you thought I’d fail.”

Will is the first to admit that he doesn’t consider MacKenzie’s paper profits in their household finances. The ranch makes more than enough to buy out her paper easily, even now that he’s no longer charging her for the lease on the building. Still, he’s glad that it’s doing well because it seems to make her happy in a way that nothing else really does. 

“Still might, but it’s looking up,” Will says, grinning at her. He loves getting a rise out of her, especially when she’s been so miserable these past few weeks and the bright color that flushes her cheeks and neck is a comfort to him. He’d worried about how weak she was when Daniel was first born and he’s glad to see her fire coming back. He should have known the doctor was wrong about MacKenzie being weak. She’s slight, but nobody should ever mistake that for weakness.

“Eugh. You see what I have to put up with?” she sing-songs, caressing Daniel’s little cheek. “Your father thinks I can’t do it. We’ll show him. You’ll be the best reporter in Nebraska, won’t you?” Daniel doesn’t do anything except squirm a little and Will takes him from MacKenzie’s arms, lifting him up and patting his back a little so he’ll burp. He always loves getting to do this part since he can’t feed him and MacKenzie seems more than happy to let him.

“Daniel, I think we oughta draw your mama a bath and let her have some time to herself. And I think we oughta go get her wagon ready so she can drive into town. You think you can help me do that?” It’s a little silly since he knows Daniel’s too little to understand anything he’s saying but he makes little noises anyway. In a few months, he’ll be babbling right along with him and Will doesn’t know if he’s ready for his son to eventually walk and talk and grow past the place he is right now. 

Will lays the baby in his cradle for a moment before going to deal with MacKenzie’s bath for her. He keeps the water heated on the fire in the kitchen so she can have it whenever she wants but Will has been wary about letting MacKenzie lift those heavy buckets when she’s supposed to be recuperating. So he’s been drawing the bath for her every day and it’s become a little bit of a ritual between them, something sweet he does for his wife before he heads back to work after the noon meal. 

He’s almost got the tub filled when he turns and sees MacKenzie stripping off her long nightgown and he has to suppress a sigh. She still has some of the softness from before Daniel was born and it just makes him want her more than ever but he’s perfectly aware he still has time to wait. The last thing he wants is to hurt MacKenzie. He draws up close to her and runs a hand up her waist to cup her breast, sighing a little when he sees how red and sore her nipple seems. “Get something for that in town. There’s a man named Baker who came up with something we use on the cows. Bet it’ll work for you too.” MacKenzie narrows her eyes at him and he gives her an innocent little look.

“What’s that, Mac? I’m just trying to help.” MacKenzie snorts a little and informs him that she is not a cow, a fact of which he should be well aware. He soothes her anger with a quick kiss and eases her into the bath, fingers gently carding through her long hair. It’s tangled and hopeless so Will goes and gets the brush for her, deciding he’ll just brush it through before he goes to collect Daniel and clear out for a little while. 

“I just want to make you happy,” Will says softly, half to himself. MacKenzie is drowsy in the water but she rouses at that, turning a little so she can see his face. “Will? Did you think that I was unhappy?”

He doesn’t know. He knows this baby isn’t something that she wanted, or the marriage, but he’d hoped he was doing a good enough job of making it tolerable. It’s hard for him not to admit that being married to her and having Daniel is the best thing that’s ever happened to him because he knows it makes her miserable. His happiness depends upon making sure MacKenzie’s content enough that she won’t cut and run on him and it’s a hell of a lot of pressure. 

“Seems like it sometimes, MacKenzie. I don’t want my wife to be unhappy. I love you.” MacKenzie hasn’t said it back to him since the day the baby was born and while she’s told Daniel she loves him, he guesses it’s easy to say such things to a little baby. If MacKenzie loves Will, she isn’t really keen on saying it out loud and it’s difficult for him to keep giving the words and not getting it back. 

MacKenzie catches his hand and brushes a kiss against his fingertips. “I’m fine, Will. I just haven’t taken terribly well to being cooped up in the house all these weeks with only Daniel and Maggie for company for the most part. I’m eager to get back to my paper and to have conversations that involve polysyllabic words. That’s all.”

He sure hopes so.

***

Will has some of his hands get the wagon ready for MacKenzie and settles out on the porch with Daniel. He built a swing a few years before MacKenzie came to town, hoping that someday maybe he’d have a wife and children to play on it and it seems he’s gotten his wish. It’s wide and comfortable, built to fit three men Will’s size, and it’s more than enough room for him and a tiny little baby.

“We’re gonna make her happy again, you know,” Will promises, singing a little to his son in nonsense syllables. He’s always loved to sing and he’s half decent at just about any instrument he lays his hands on but it’s not something he’s ever done for MacKenzie. He knows she’s probably heard real musicians in London and New York and he’s pretty damn sure that what he does won’t pass for real music. 

But he’s happy to sing for Daniel, who won’t know any better. Will’s always sung during long hours in the saddle and his hands indulge him, even harmonize with him every once in a while if spirits are high. Daniel seems to like the singing even if there’s no way he can make any sense of it and Will keeps it up for a while, unaware that MacKenzie’s come out of the house and paused in front of him. 

“I wasn’t aware you had such a lovely voice.” Will looks up and sees her, wearing a proper dress and a corset for the first time in forever. Her hair is shining and pinned up beneath a jaunty little hat and MacKenzie looks every inch the woman he met a year and a half ago outside her newspaper office, bright eyed and pink-cheeked. Damn, he loves her. 

“I’m just full of surprises. You’ll be home later tonight?” She nods and heads down the stairs, leaving Will to cradle Daniel a little longer and tell him all about how beautiful and clever his mother is and just how much she loves him.


	12. Chapter 12

MacKenzie sends Will off on the roundup with just a kiss. She could tell he was hoping for more in the way he pressed his body against hers but she simply wasn’t interested. She’d pushed her hands against his chest and ended the kiss, leaving Will to kiss the top of Daniel’s head and head out, hat in hand. She knows he’ll be gone for two months and she hopes that by the end of them, whatever is going on with her will be done. Will has done a lot for her and she owes him her loyalty. 

Shortly before Daniel’s birth, she’d received a letter from back in New York from Brian. It had been long and eloquent, full of the pretty turns of phrase she doesn’t associate with Will, and she had been flattered by it. Brian didn’t know she was married or with child and all he thought was that his long lost fiancee had been trying to find herself in Nebraska Territory. He’d written her pretty words and MacKenzie had responded utterly on impulse, which leads to the new letter.

> My dearest MacKenzie - 
> 
> I miss you. There is not one hour of a single day in which I do not miss you and I long to see you. Tell me how to get to you and I will take a train or a horse or even walk miles upon miles just to see you again. Please tell me. Please tell me what I did wrong, why you felt you had to leave, I wish to correct my errors.
> 
> Yours, most assuredly:  
>  Brian.

She doesn’t know what to do. MacKenzie feels like that she loves Will. They have a deep, strong bond forged out here in this country and she has a son that was created as proof of that bond between them. Will anticipates her every need and tries to fulfill it. When she brushes off his kisses and affection, Will looks downtrodden and apologetic, as if he is the one who should be so. And yet, there is Brian. Brian represents everything MacKenzie left behind in New York. There’s fine restaurants and beautiful parties. Marrying Brian means having her parents back once again and being fully enveloped in the luxury she once knew before coming to Nebraska and inadvertently becoming a rancher’s wife.

It is not in her nature to be dishonest and yet, she has been - both with Will and Brian. MacKenzie knows she should tell Will she wrote to Brian but there’s been no opportunity, not with Will gone on a roundup for the past two months. He is meant to arrive home in a few days and she doubts that will be the best time to tell him either. Surely he will want time with his son and likely press his attentions upon her, his wife. MacKenzie is not of a mind to refuse him, given it’s been half a year since Will made love to her. She thinks he must be starved for it.

Today, she is in town. Daniel needs more clothes and MacKenzie thinks she might like a new dress or two now that she’s had the baby and is more or less back to the same size she’d been before. There’s still a little softness lingering around her hips and belly that she wishes would melt away but no amount of walking around the yard has seemed to get rid of it. She doesn’t want Will to see it. While he seemed to be fine with her body while she carried Daniel, that was a specific set of circumstances and now it has been six months. She should be back to where she was before. 

She shifts Daniel on her hip a little to look at a long length of blue silk, knowing she should be looking at calico because it’s more practical. Still, the silk is like water beneath her fingertips and she aches for it. She can afford it. Will is wealthy around here and has seemingly-unending credit at the local general store. She could buy this silk for herself and nobody would ever question it. While she’s still trying to decide about the fabric, she overhears two women chattering on the other side of a display. MacKenzie admittedly knows very little about the other women in the area and she strains to listen in, hoping that she isn’t noticed.

“It’s a shame Will McAvoy is married now. I had hoped he would be willing to consider me after my mourning was up but he’s married to that English woman.” The other woman tuts a little beneath her breath and starts in with her own commentary, “Well, I hear that she’s cold and cares only about her newspaper. Mr. McAvoy still has to have a housekeeper because his wife refuses to lift a finger to help him! It’s a shame. I bet she was already carrying that child in her belly when she met him and she tricked him into thinking it was his. At least her bastard looks like her husband.”

MacKenzie isn’t sure what to do so she tries to get out of the store as gracefully as possible - she manages to trip over a rack and knock clouds of lace to the floor. She’s been spotted but she doesn’t care because she’s absolutely mortified that people in this town think she’d tricked Will into the marriage. She hadn’t tricked him into anything! She hadn’t even wanted to marry him, honestly, and had agreed only to keep Daniel from being ridiculed. Now it seems that her motivations have come into question.

***

The day that Will is meant to be home, MacKenzie has spent in the kitchen attempting to make supper for him. She’s a horrible cook and never really learned after Will insisted she would still have a housekeeper to do the cooking and cleaning for her. MacKenzie does the mending readily enough, she’s always been good with a needle, but she’s horrible at the rest of it and had been happy to foist it off on staff. Now, however, she’s determined to make her husband happy.

He comes in close to supper time, stripping down in the little room off the kitchen so his dirty, muddy clothes don’t track all over clean floors; MacKenzie had thought to put a change of clothes in there for him and Will dresses in them quickly. Will immediately goes to the table where Daniel is seated in a carefully-crafted wooden chair that sits him high enough that MacKenzie can feed him a little solid food while she stands. Will had built it before he left and Daniel had not yet been able to sit up comfortably in it. Much has changed. He lifts Daniel into his arms and holds him close, fawning over him the way MacKenzie thinks most fathers don’t. She feels horribly guilty and, worse, her distraction has caused her to scorch their supper. 

“Mac, darlin, you don’t have to cook for me. Mrs. S can do it and you don’t have to worry yourself about it,” Will says charitably. MacKenzie sighs and starts to cry. She hadn’t wanted to show this weakness but ever since she overheard the women in the store a few days ago, she can’t help but think that she isn’t what Will wants and, worse, because she’s been so distant with him the past few months that if he did want her, he won’t any longer. MacKenzie doesn’t know why everything seems like it’s pressing in on her, like there’s simply too much burden to carry on her slim shoulders. Nobody expects anything of her, least of all Will, so why is she so upset?

Will sees her tears and crosses the room, leaving Daniel in his chair for a moment. He brushes his fingers beneath her chin and tips it up before wiping away the tears with his thumb. “Come here,” he murmurs, wrapping her up in his arms and holding her for a long moment. It feels wonderful. In this, she and Will have always been able to relate to one another and MacKenzie never feels more at home than when Will is holding her. “Let me go put Daniel down to sleep,” Will says softly. “And then I’m going to take care of you.”

It doesn’t take long to put Daniel down. He’s a good baby, something that MacKenzie is grateful for every day, and Will is back soon. MacKenzie has removed her apron but made no attempt to go anywhere else. She’s still paralyzed by tears, inexplicable tears, and Will gently leads her back to their bedroom so he can try to comfort her. MacKenzie knows what he’ll expect and she’s prepared herself for that. At least he still comes to her to expect it instead of simply going somewhere else. 

She’s missed the way his fingers are so clever against her buttons and he makes quick work of them, pushing down her dress and dealing with her undergarments efficiently. He leans forward a bit and kisses her neck, trailing those kisses upward to her ear before pulling away again so he can undress himself. That is, of course, much easier and it’s not long before Will is reaching his hands out to her to hold hers. He pulls her toward the bed and MacKenzie lifts her head high. She can endure this. She’s actually liked it with him before, honestly, so she isn’t sure why she dreads it so much now. 

It’s probably because she knows there’s others who want this with her husband and she has taken it for granted.

“We’re going to go nice and slow, MacKenzie,” Will assures her. He draws her down into his arms and simply kisses her. It’s chaste, for them, but aside from the fact that his naked body is pressed up against the length of hers, his mouth is tender and gentle and demands nothing from her. MacKenzie tries to deepen the kiss and nip at his lower lip but Will slows down even further. It’s clear he has something in mind that isn’t the furious sex they’re used to and MacKenzie relaxes, trying to enjoy herself. Will has always made it enjoyable. 

“Slow, sweetheart,” he reminds her again. His mouth moves down her chest and brushes against her breasts. He’s light about it, something MacKenzie is grateful for, and brushes his lips down against her stomach instead. She stiffens because this is something she’s not really comfortable with, knowing that he’s seeing all her flaws, but Will doesn’t seem to care. He slides his fingers low against her belly. 

“You’re beautiful, MacKenzie. It didn’t change,” he murmurs, hands sliding beneath her hips to cup them and tilt them up so he can press his mouth between her thighs. MacKenzie’s legs relax and open even wider, accommodating his shoulders between them, and Will kisses her there and uses his lips and tongue to coax cries out of her. It’s been so long since she’s felt this good that MacKenzie screams out, heedless of the baby. She hopes she didn’t wake him but she cannot be bothered if she has; right now, there’s nothing in this world except Will’s mouth and her pleasure spiraling out so that she’s left unable to do anything but whimper and sigh. 

He kisses her as she comes down, slides his mouth to kiss her thighs too, and shifts so he’s covering her. MacKenzie has been a little worried about engaging in this act since Daniel’s birth but Will is painstakingly gentle, sliding into her slowly and letting her acclimate. It’s a bit uncomfortable but only because it’s simply been so long. It doesn’t hurt the way she’d feared, not even when Will rocks his hips and presses deeper and deeper, long sure strokes that bury him in her and draw him away. He finishes with a shuddering little cry and rolls away just enough so he can pull her into his arms without crushing her. 

“I missed you, MacKenzie. Every minute of every day. I love you so much.” MacKenzie sighs and curls closer. Her own I love you is whispered but she hopes that Will heard it. She hopes he understands his feelings _are_ returned, even if she’s shifting and inconstant. MacKenzie decides she will burn Brian’s letters and dedicate herself to Will now, for good or bad. 

She loves _Will_.


	13. Chapter 13

Will wants everything to be perfect. He’s asked Maggie to keep Daniel for a night, just for Christmas, so that he and MacKenzie can spend the night together without any distractions for their anniversary. He doesn’t know if this is important to Mac but it is to him. Being with her, loving her and knowing her for the past year or so has been amazing. He wants to show how much he loves her and he thinks MacKenzie needs the break from being a mother for just the night. 

While she’s not as moody and hard to predict as she’d been right after Daniel’s birth there’s still moments when he’s not sure what she’s thinking and feeling. She gets a faraway look in her eyes and seems guilty about something though God only knows what she’s got to feel guilty about. She’s a good mama and a wonderful wife and while they haven’t made love quite as much since Daniel’s come, Will understands that. He’s tired and so’s she and there’s always the baby to worry about.

So he wants a night where she doesn’t have to worry about it. 

Maggie comes to get Daniel in the early afternoon and Will makes a point of knocking off early to spend as much time with MacKenzie as he can. His hands give him shit but Will does not care. He’s got a beautiful wife that he loves and he doesn’t care if they all know he’s fucking from now until sunup. It’s his prerogative. Besides, it’s winter and they don’t have nearly as much to do as they would have to in the spring. He’s damned glad his anniversary is at Christmas. 

He comes in and strips down in the mudroom, much to MacKenzie’s shock. “What...what are you doing home so early, honey? I know Maggie’s already come to get the baby but I had hoped to be dressed for you already.”

She’s in just a dressing gown and her hair is loose, long locks streaming down her back. The dressing gown isn’t quite closed and Will can see the soft curve of one breast. Shit. He loves MacKenzie’s body, both before and after her carrying Daniel and he wonders how she’d feel about another baby. He wants a whole family, little girls with MacKenzie’s big brown eyes and boys that are tall and strong like him. He wants...he wants a wife and a partner and while he and MacKenzie got started by accident, he wants to be the kind of husband to her that she deserves. She deserves the moon. 

He’s gotten her pearls, ordered straight from a jeweler back east. He doesn’t know if this is something she’s going to like but he wants to spoil her. So much about what her life is now in Nebraska is different from New York and Will is painfully aware of that difference. He wants to try and bridge the gap somehow and he thinks the necklace can do it. 

“I think you’re dressed just fine,” he murmurs, leering at her for a moment. He’s trying to make her feel like a woman and not just a mother, something he fears has happened along the way. “You look damn good to me, darlin. I think I’m going to have to give you your present early.” MacKenzie gasps a little and her eyes light up. Presents are few and far between out here and he knows he’s pleased her. 

He pulls out the box and shows her the pearls, getting another gasp and an armful of MacKenzie. He still has the box in one hand as he hugs her and catches her mouth for a deep, passionate kiss. He pulls away just enough to look at her and damn if she doesn’t look good all disheveled. Her hair’s a mess and the dressing gown is sliding off her shoulder and showing a creamy, full breast and a rosy pink nipple. 

“I want to see them on you,” he murmurs, voice low and soft with just how wound up he is for her. MacKenzie nods and lifts her hair up off her neck, turning enough that he can put the pearls on and fasten the clasp. There’s sapphires scattered between the pearls and they look beautiful against her skin. “I need this dressing gown off, darlin,” he says, pushing the fabric down to fall against the floor. 

She’s so beautiful that his heart aches just to look at her. He thinks about offering his hand to her and decides at the last minute to sweep her up into his arms instead. She’s slight and while his knees don’t appreciate it that much he thinks he can manage to carry his wife to bed for their anniversary. 

He spreads her out against the bed and kisses her, stretching out against her soft body. He’d never dressed after coming in and it’s proving to be a damn good thing - MacKenzie is squriming and whimpering beneath him so damn prettily that he wouldn’t want to stop even to take off his clothes. He drags his lips down her skin from neck to breasts and moves them lower still, kissing the sweet curve of her belly that’s still evidence of her carrying their son. He kisses her hips, wider and softer now, and presses his mouth against her cunt to kiss her there too. 

MacKenzie has always seemed to love this and on their anniversary, it’s about her. It’s about showing her how much he loves her and how much he needs her. He’s never needed anyone as much as he needs MacKenzie. When she comes, she whimpers and cries out loud, much louder and uninhibited than she normally ever is with Daniel in the house. She can just be MacKenzie for a little while and not have to worry. 

When she finishes, he slides up to cover her, hitching one of her slim thighs over his hip so he can press into her deep. He keeps it slow and watches her face, eyes focused on hers. MacKenzie’s face is beautiful and tinged pink with pleasure and when Will comes, he presses into her deep and meets her mouth in a desperate kiss. 

Afterward, he pulls her into his arms and lets her sprawl against his chest, hand stroking through her long hair. “I love you so much, darlin,” he murmurs. He can’t be anything but completely honest with her like this and he hopes MacKenzie is aware of just how much power she has. She holds his heart in her hands, fragile and precious, and Will hopes that she won’t ever do anything to hurt him. 

He doesn’t think he could take it.


	14. Chapter 14

Come January, the snow is thick on the ground and Daniel comes down with a deep, horrible cough that wracks his little body. He’s burning with fever and the doctor says there’s little they can do but try to get it down and ease his breathing. He suggests going outside with him into the crisp night air so Will bundles them both up and goes out there, walking up and down the porch while MacKenzie tries to snatch some sleep. This has been hard on both of them and he wants to ease MacKenzie’s burden if he can. It’s not the normal thing for a man of his stature to help out with his child but Will’s always felt closer to Daniel than most men feel with their children. He likes helping. He never wants MacKenzie to feel like she’s doing this all alone the way his mother had for most of his life. 

One one of his passes along the porch, he spots a loose floorboard with bits of paper sticking out. He isn’t sure what it is and kneels down, Daniel still in arms, to fetch the little slips of paper and see what in the hell they are. Nobody’s ever lived in this house but his family but he thinks they might be something from when he and his siblings all lived here, some forgotten notes passed between his sisters. He’s not prepared for what they actually are and when he sees the salutation, he has to find a place to sit down. The porch swing is the most convenient and he sits there, cradling Daniel as he pours over these letters.

They’re from Brian, to MacKenzie, and indicative of a correspondence that’s lasted a couple months. There’s nothing recent, all from when Daniel had first been born but it’s well after their marriage. He knows there’s been nobody here to see her from her family or friends in New York so maybe it’s not truly adultery but it stings. What has this Brian given her that Will hasn’t given her tenfold? Is MacKenzie honestly this damned unhappy with being his wife and Daniel’s mother that she’d consider running away with this jackass? Will isn’t sure. His head’s reeling and Daniel’s started to cough again so he starts walking up and down the porch again, only stopping when dawn is pink and pale against the sky. 

MacKenzie wakes up when he comes back into her room and she reaches for Daniel, her face tired but sweet. He loves her so much that he aches but he can’t handle the betrayal. He can’t handle the idea that she’d pour her heart out to the man who hurt her instead of turning to her own husband, the man that has been right here for the past year and the one who has been here for her and her child. He could have abandoned her when she turned up pregnant and nobody would have questioned it but he didn’t, he stayed, and he made MacKenzie his wife and the lady of this house. It seems like he shouldn’t have.

“You want to explain to me why there’s months of letters from your ex fiance on our porch?” Will asks bluntly, not taking the time to be subtle about it. He’s angry and hurting and he wants her to know just how damn much this has affected him. MacKenzie frowns a little, still half asleep, and pulls Daniel close to let him nurse. Realization dawns slowly and her face goes pale and stricken; she shakes her head.

“It’s not what you think. I had a very difficult time when he was first born, yes, but I’m past it. I haven’t written him anything since you came back from the roundup,” she assures him. “And I haven’t seen him since I came to Nebraska. There’s nothing you have to worry about Will, I assure you. It’s nothing. It didn’t mean anything. I was simply having a difficult time and he was someone who listened. That’s all it is.” 

Maybe that’s all it is but he still thinks MacKenzie should have talked to _him_ instead. If he’d known she was unhappy, he’d have done everything he could to fix it. He could have stayed behind and let his foreman and hands run the roundup and spent the time with her, made sure she felt all right and didn’t feel burdened. Instead, he didn’t know and she’d turned to someone who had let her run away from him in the first place. Goddamnit. 

“When I get back, I want you on the other side of this house. I’m not going to ruin my reputation or Daniel’s by casting you out and I’m not going to deprive my son of his mother but I’ll be damned if I share a bed with someone who would be in bed with someone else if geography hadn’t stopped her. I’m not going to be made a fool of, MacKenzie, and you made a fool of me. You can stay on your side of the house and nobody has to be the wiser about it.” 

MacKenzie flares up with anger but Will turns away, unwilling to hear it. If she’d cared so damned much about him she would have never answered Brian’s first letter - it’s clear from the subsequent ones that he’d been responding to things she wrote back to him. It’s clear this was a relationship and a correspondence and not the desperate attempts of a man to win back something he lost. He isn’t going to be made a fool of.

“Fine,” MacKenzie says stonily, rising up from the bed and slamming the door on her way out. She’s headed back to the guest room, he assumes, but he doesn’t care. He just wants her out of here and to stop pretending she’s actually his wife if her heart’s not in here along with her body. He doesn’t think it’s so terrible to want both from the woman he’s asked to be his partner in life. 

As long as he’s got his son, he doesn’t really care anymore. There’s nothing that will keep him from Daniel and maybe, if he and MacKenzie haven’t worked this thing out by the time he’s weaned, he can deal with her then when he’s not so dependent on her. Daniel needs her right now and that’s the _only_ thing keeping this woman in his house. 

That, and the fact that he still loves her so much that it makes him ache.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains sex that may be construed as non-consensual. It is not, from MacKenzie's perspective (and my own as the author) but if that sort of thing triggers you, I would steer clear.

MacKenzie spends most of her days on the far end of the house with Daniel, who seems to have overcome his bout with illness and is no worse for the wear. It’s mid-March now and her relationship with Will seems frosty as it had been back in the midst of January snows. And, what’s worse, is that he’s off on the roundup again to take the cows up north to summer in different pastures than those close to home. It means he’ll be gone for a stretch of two months or more and, seeing how he hasn’t spoken to her in weeks, MacKenzie thinks it might just be for the best.

The night before he’s set to head off, she decides she’s going to talk to him. Daniel’s already been bathed and put to bed and MacKenzie is determined that she’ll get _something_ out of Will before he leaves them for the next few months. He’s too stubborn to grant her with a divorce but apparently just stubborn enough to cut off all contact, friendly or otherwise. She supposes this is better than being yelled at from sunup to sundown but silence is something she’s never dealt with well. She’s much better at passionate arguments and not at being frozen out entirely.

She lifts her hand to knock at his door and thinks better of it, just turning the knob and pushing it in. This had been her bedroom up until early January and she doesn’t know why she feels so ill at ease about barging in here. It’s not like she doesn’t belong here. She’s his wife, for God’s sake. Isn’t she? Or has she been imagining the occasional wistful look that Will’s given her when he thought she wasn’t looking? MacKenzie doesn’t think her imagination is quite that accomplished. 

Will is standing at the little washstand he’d put in their room for her use once they’d gotten married and has a straight razor pressed to his throat; MacKenzie wonders if it’s a terribly good idea to startle someone when they’re doing something so dangerous. Her fears are founded when she notices a bloom of bright blood against the hollow of his throat. “Oh, for God’s sake. You’re terrible at that and always have been. Let me do it.”

Will’s eyes have a frightening glint to them but he hands the razor to her handle first without a word. MacKenzie cleans it and sharpens it against the leather strop before tipping his chin up lightly with one hand and drawing the razor down his skin. She’d always been good at this, owing to a particularly unfortunate summer when her father had broken his arm and Will seems to be benefitting from it now. This is the closest she’s been to him in two months and she takes her time with it, drawing the razor against his skin until it’s smooth and there’s no way she’s missed any of the blond stubble no matter how hard it is to see in the low light of their bedroom.

“You can’t avoid me forever, Will,” MacKenzie says softly. She touches his wrist lightly with two fingertips, as much as she dares, and Will grips her wrists tight enough to bruise. “I thought I was doing a good enough job of it so far, darlin. There’s nothing I want with you anymore and if I didn’t need you to take care of that little boy, I’d have you gone right now. I’m done with you. I don’t abide a wandering heart.” 

MacKenzie opens her mouth to protest that neither her mind nor her body wandered in this particular instance but she doesn’t get a chance to get the words out when her mouth is covered with his. She can smell his soap and something that’s distinctly Will beneath it, earthy and comforting. There’s little else comforting about this kiss because his lips and teeth are hard against hers, almost bruising, and when he pulls away his teeth snag her lower lip hard enough to draw blood. Oh God.

MacKenzie isn’t exactly sure if she should go along with this but she misses Will. Her heart has ached for him ever since their fight and if this is the only way she can spark a reaction in him, it’s what she has to do. She yields under the kiss and yields even more when he pushes her back toward the bed, hands none too gentle as they rip at the buttons holding her gown on. This late in the evening, she isn’t wearing a corset and stays any longer and it’s just easier with Daniel feeding to wear simple dresses. MacKenzie wishes that she had a little more protection, especially when Will gets the bodice of her gown down and fixes his mouth against her nipple. 

His hands are everywhere. MacKenzie whimpers and feels for all the world like she’s drowning, desperate for her next breath and her next touch from him. Will pushes her down and rips the gown the rest of the way, tearing partially through her petticoats in the attempt. MacKenzie’s never known him to be this aggressive about anything and she shimmies the rest of the way out of the gown, laying back against the bed. She tries to hide her fear. She’s not afraid of Will, necessarily, but she doesn’t like how he’s reacting at this particular point in time. What does it mean? What is he after?

“I love you,” MacKenzie murmurs, wondering if she should have taken this chance. Will pulls back long enough to look at her, fire blazing in his blue eyes. He doesn’t return the sentiment but busies himself with undressing instead, taking only a marginal amount of care with it. It seems he doesn’t want to rip all his buttons asunder but hers are fair game. Well. Interesting. 

He shifts to cover her in one smooth move and presses her down against the bed. He’s everywhere. MacKenzie is overwhelmed and feels like she’s on fire but there’s no way that she wishes to stop. This is the most reaction she’s gotten out of Will in weeks and she’s been desperate for something - anger, affection, lust. Anything but the silence she’d been treated with since he’d found Brian’s letters. Anything is better than being shut out. 

Will drags her leg up over his hip and his fingers press harshly into her thigh as he slides into her. His hips move quickly and his thrusts are erratic, just like her breath. MacKenzie has never really experienced sex quite like this and she whimpers a little, rolling her hips upward so he hits her in exactly the right places. Will shifts so he can kiss her breasts and he jerks his hips one last time as he bites her; MacKenzie knows it’s going to leave a deep, dark bruise that will last for days after he’s gone. 

After he’s finished, Will strokes her hair back off her forehead tenderly but MacKenzie can tell his hand is trembling. She wants to soothe him, to say she loves him over and over again but when the words begin to spill out, he presses his fingers to her mouth to stop them. “You’re my wife,” he says finally, voice low and rough. “Mine. You belong to me.”

MacKenzie hadn’t argued the point. Even when he’d kicked her out of the bedroom weeks ago, she’d insisted that she never broke their vows. Why is he suddenly acknowledging her as his wife now after weeks of silence? It doesn’t seem to make any sense. Then again, Will’s moods never seem to make much sense to her. He’s deeply passionate in ways she’ll never understand and he seems to hold grudges for far longer than she could ever manage.

“I was always yours. I promise I was always yours.”

She tells him that she loves him over and over again but he never returns the sentiment.

***

MacKenzie wakes to sunlight streaming through the windows. She normally never sleeps this late, as Daniel almost always wakes her up during the night at least once but he’s gotten better about sleeping through the night. But the sun? The sun never wakes her in her room, it’s on the other side of the house.

Except this is Will’s room and she’d been with _him_ last night. MacKenzie can’t help a little smile before she rolls over, intending to tell him that she loves him over and over again but the bed, while rumpled, shows no sign of him. His boots are gone from the room, as is his belt, and MacKenzie curses a little beneath her breath. Damn. She’d missed him and now he’s going to be gone for months until the roundup and cattle drive are done. 

“Why in heaven’s name must you be so damned frustrating, Will McAvoy?”

Predictably, her empty house does not give her an answer.


	16. Chapter 16

Will is meant to be gone for at least four months this time around, as there’s a cattle drive to deal with, and halfway through MacKenzie is perfectly aware that something is wrong. She has not had regular cycles since Daniel’s birth but skipping twice is something that alarms her, especially when it is coupled with the same nausea that plagued her throughout the first pregnancy. She’ll be having another child, and, worse, she’s not entirely sure that Will even wants her around for it. 

He hasn’t sent any letters, either good or ill, and she has not been served with a suit by the sheriff so presumably she is still married for the moment. Divorce isn’t something looked upon kindly anywhere but much less in Nebraska Territory so while Will might be cold to her she doesn’t think he will risk putting her out completely for fear of losing his own reputation; MacKenzie clings to the hope that his stubborn pride will allow her some time to win him back. For now, though, she throws herself into her newspaper.

She and Jim and Maggie spend most days in the newspaper office with little Daniel, the baby content to play on the floor or with Maggie while they all discuss the day’s news. A lot of it is mundane - auctions, marriages, deaths. But recently there has been something of interest in that Reese Lansing has purchased up a number of failing farms and ranches all around their little town and has formally submitted his intentions to run for sheriff. MacKenzie had been under the impression that sheriff was something that required some sort of actual skill but she’s been assured by Maggie that it actually doesn’t.

“No, it’s more politics than anything else. A town like Lancaster doesn’t have a mayor or need one so being the sheriff is the most power you could have. Unless you’re a big landowner like you and your husband. I would imagine that Mr. McAvoy could get anything he wanted if he really exerted any pressure. He’s the biggest customer for any of the shops and most of the town works for him in some way or another.” MacKenzie had been aware that Will was wealthy by Nebraska standards but she hadn’t really understood just how vital his patronage was to most of the businesses in town. Her position as his wife carried weight as well, which suddenly made the envy of the women months ago make perfect sense; she is likely the wealthiest woman in this entire settlement. 

“Why doesn’t Will just run for sheriff then? Aside from the fact that he’s blindingly stubborn,” MacKenzie says, eliciting laughter out of both Jim and Maggie. While Maggie isn’t quite as aware of their current marital issues, Jim is acutely aware and beneath his laughter there’s a glint of concern in his eyes. MacKenzie meets it with a look that she hopes says that everything’s fine and there’s nothing to see here but she doesn’t know if that will be enough to quell Jim’s curiosity. 

“He probably doesn’t have the time, Mac. There’s a lot that goes into running that ranch of yours even if you don’t notice it,” Jim says, mulling it over. “But I think he would make a better sheriff than Reese Lansing, that’s for sure. Do you want me to go ask around and see why Sheriff Sabbith isn’t going to run again?” That might actually be more interesting than weather predictions (who could predict the weather, anyway?) and cattle auctions and MacKenzie shakes her head. 

“No, no. I’ll go myself. I’ll take Daniel with me and couch it as a social call. Apparently I’m quite the eminent figure in our town and it’s time that I acted accordingly.” Jim and Maggie trade a look that’s more than a little confused but MacKenzie doesn’t care. This is the first decent story she’s gotten to sink her teeth into since she came to Nebraska and she’s not about to foist it off on her underlings when she has a chance to be a bona fide journalist for once.

***

Sheriff Sabbith lives on the opposite side of town from the ranch and seems a little surprised to have a visitor in the middle of the day, least of all a young wife with a baby on her hip. MacKenzie knows her reputation is...middling at best in their town and she aims to improve it while working on her story at the same time. She is perfectly capable of having more than one iron in the fire at once. It’s only when she tries to iron and cook at the same time that she runs into trouble.

“My daughter, Sloan, should be home shortly. We’re taking a trip back east and the train leaves this evening so I don’t really have much time to talk.” MacKenzie wonders who takes a train that leaves at night but she isn’t going to press it at the moment. There’s other questions she wants to ask and now that a time limit has been placed upon her, it feels like her entire head has gone empty. 

“I was wondering why you’d decided not to seek reelection. It’s my understanding you’ve been the sheriff since the town was founded.” MacKenzie shifts Daniel on her hip and the sheriff opens the door a little wider to let her in; apparently her son is an advantage when engaging in a slew of leading questions. 

“Well, Mrs. McAvoy, if you haven’t noticed, I’m getting older and I’d like to spend some time with my daughter instead of living out on the frontier. My health isn’t what it used to be and we’re going back East to see some new doctor about it.” That’s new. That’s...very, very new and MacKenzie files it away for future reference. Nobody has mentioned this illness before and it seems almost like a crutch, like there’s another reason that’s more lurid that he’s trying to cover up. Then again, MacKenzie’s mind always runs to fantasy. 

“Has anyone aside from Reese Lansing expressed interested in your seat? It must be a lucrative position, being sheriff of this area. It might serve a businessman well, if he had ambition.” Sabbith narrows his eyes and when he goes to speak, he starts coughing. A younger woman comes into the room and fixes MacKenzie with a dark, cold stare. “My father’s not well,” she says, stepping between MacKenzie and the sheriff to shield him somewhat. MacKenzie hardly means the man harm and she hopes even an overprotective daughter can understand that. 

“I bear no ill will. I am simply inquiring about your father’s health and political ambitions.” The other woman snorts, none too delicately, and tosses her head. If her hair were loose, MacKenzie imagines it would be glossy and straight. It’s deep black and her skin is a golden color that seems almost exotic in a way she did not anticipate given the sheriff’s features. “Perhaps you can answer my questions? I’m MacKenzie McAvoy.” 

“Sloan,” the other woman offers, “And no, I can’t. We’re getting ready to leave tonight to go back east and I don’t think my father is up to answering any more questions, well-intentioned or not. Goodbye, Mrs. McAvoy.” 

MacKenzie doesn’t have a door slammed in her face but it’s a damn near thing and she’s still a bit dumbfounded when she makes her way outside to the porch. She stands there for a few moments, taking in the sweet spring air and heads back to her coach. Daniel has always seemed to love riding in the buggy and he giggles and gurgles happily as they ride back into town and to the post office. MacKenzie has checked every single day on the off chance that Will might write her or send her a telegram and to her delight, she has a letter waiting for her in the office. When she opens it, all the blood drains from her face.

> Dear Mrs. McAvoy: 
> 
> I don’t know if we’ll beat this letter back or not but Will’s been hurt and bad. Got gored by a longhorn during a stampede and the horn ripped a gash up his side. Doc patched him up as best he could but we had to cut loose early and come on back since he kept insisting he wanted to be home with his family instead of just staying in a closer town. He’s got to be carried in the wagon so we’re going to be slow, about a week if not more. 
> 
> We’re doing our best to bring him home. 
> 
> Yours, most sincerely, 
> 
> Don Keefer.

MacKenzie crumples the letter in her hand and starts to cry, sobs that rack her shoulders and make her tremble with all the anguish and fear she feels. What if they don’t get back in time because he’s so damnably stubborn and she loses him! She would have gone to him if they’d stayed in another town and she _knows_ Will must know that. She would have dropped everything and brought Daniel along for as long as it took. No, instead, Will is insisting on being dragged over God only knew how many miles to be at home.

Stubborn, stupid idiot.


	17. Chapter 17

It takes them at least a week to travel from the Dakotas back to the ranch and MacKenzie is on edge more and more each day. Will’s foreman, Don, rides ahead and turns up the evening before Will and the rest of the company are due back and MacKenzie wastes no time in letting him inside so she can get every bit of updated information that she can.

“How bad is it? Oh, the stubborn idiot. He should have just stayed where he was and let me come to him. Now he’s running the risk of getting injured further, isn’t it?” All of this comes out in a breathless stream of words and Don opens and shuts his mouth several times, trying to look for an opening to inject his own commentary. MacKenzie, finally noticing this, promptly closes her mouth and busies herself with making tea for the both of them. 

“It’s bad, Mrs. McAvoy. He lost a lot of blood and we’ve been doing our best to keep it clean and keep it from getting infected. No idea what spooked those cattle so bad. Usually it takes a storm or something to make that happen but this was real sudden and out of nowhere. It’s just not like them. Will, of course, he wanted to be right up in front wrestling them down because he won’t make his men do anything he won’t do. It’s a damn shame that one of those longhorns gored him.”

Don looks a little pale just relaying the story to her and MacKenzie isn’t sure if she can prepare herself for what’s going to turn up on her doorstep in the morning. She’s been on the verge of tears all day, between Daniel taking his first steps to the new baby in her womb and now Will’s injury. She’s going to have to get herself together if she’s going to do him any good in the morning. 

“Well, I insist that you stay up here at the house tonight. We have plenty of room, Don, and I feel so lonely just rattling around by myself. You don’t mind, do you? You don’t have a wife or children to go back to?” Don shakes his head. “No ma’am, I don’t. I haven’t been in one place long enough to meet a girl I really like but I guess now with Will being injured, I’ll be here but too busy to do anything but work.” 

That was the way of ranch life, from what MacKenzie could gather, and the wife of a hand was a lonely woman indeed. Even Will put in far more hours than he needed to though now MacKenzie guessed he was in for a long recovery and a lot of reliance on her. She hopes that he hasn’t expressed to his hands just how tenuous their marriage is; it would be embarrassing to have them assume Will wished to convalesce somewhere other than with his wife at their home. 

“Well, you can stay for as long as you like. We have the space.” Daniel has been sleeping in bed with her back in the guest room and she’s left their bedroom...Will’s, she should say, unused since he left. While the first time he’d gone on a roundup during their marriage she’d stayed there, MacKenzie feels like it’s not exactly allowed any longer, the night she conceived this new child notwithstanding. She doesn’t know what she’s going to do when she sees Will but she hopes she can conceal the pregnancy longer with him being injured.

***

The hands arrive mid-morning and there’s a lot of flurrying around to get Will transferred from the wagon to his bed. The town doctor is there, along with the doctor that rides along with them whenever they leave town and between the two of them, it seems like Will’s all right. The wound itself is a long, ugly gash that’s been hastily stitched and MacKenzie just knows it will leave a puckered, jagged scar when all is said and done. Will looks pale and thin and he’s in and out of consciousness.

“Why isn’t he awake?” she asks, shifting Daniel on his hip. She poses the question to the wizened old man they know only as Doc, because he never provided any other name and they never asked. “Been dosing him with laudanum, Mrs. McAvoy. It’s the only way we could carry him in that goddamned wagon all the way back from Dakota Territory.” MacKenzie closes her eyes and draws in a deep breath. A week of laudanum means he’ll be addicted and badly and she wishes there had been some way to avoid that. The withdrawal from it will almost be worse than the wound. 

“There was nothing else to be done, I suppose. I’ll be in contact with you and with Dr. Mercer but I think, for now, Will simply needs to rest and try to gather his strength. Thank you.” Just as she thinks she’s gotten rid of them, Dr. Mercer lingers behind and leans in to whisper against her ear. “I suspect you’re carrying again, Mrs. McAvoy. I wish the two of you listened to me last time and didn’t let this happen.” 

MacKenzie feels her cheeks coloring in equal parts shame and indignation. Really! Is she expected to be married to her husband and never darken his bedroom doorway again simply because she does not need to carry another child? Children are natural consequences of making love and since she doesn’t intend to stop doing the latter, she’s going to have to deal with the former. Besides, if Will were healthy and their relationship wasn’t strained, she would be excited and pleased about the baby and bursting at the seams wanting to tell Will about it. She still is, in some ways. 

“I made my choice, as did Will, and we thought it was worth it to risk it again. Do not concern yourself, I haven’t been exerting myself any more than I did last time I was pregnant and I intend to be very, very careful.” She sees the two doctors out and closes the door, relieved that her house is clear of that flurry and bustle for the moment. She feeds Daniel and lays him down for his nap before tiptoeing into Will’s room and settling in a chair beside the bed. 

She just watches. He’s sleeping, albeit fitfully, and his forehead sheens with sweat. It seems the fever he’d carried on the wagon ride back has broken and that can only be a good sign; MacKenzie likes to think it’s because Will knows he’s back home and that he’s back with his family. It’s a stubborn hope but it’s one that she’s going to cling to regardless.

MacKenzie dips a cloth into the cool water at Will’s washstand and dabs it against his forehead, hoping to cool him down. As she does, his eyes open and the pupils are large and dark; she can barely even tell his eyes are blue because all she sees is endless, endless black. 

“I never stopped loving you,” he says, voice choked and harsh and MacKenzie fails at holding her tears back this time. The laudanum has made him honest, it seems, and MacKenzie cannot help but lean in and touch her lips to his forehead. She doesn’t dare try to properly kiss him, both out of fear for his injuries and fear of rejection, but this is affection she’s more than willing to provide. 

“I know, honey, I know. Try to rest? For me?”


	18. Chapter 18

MacKenzie spends the next few weeks nursing Will around the clock. She tries to taper off the drugs so that he can go through the worst of the withdrawal before he’s really aware of it but she still gets the sharp side of his tongue more than once. It’s a difficult time for her, made even more difficult by the fact that the babe makes her sick to her stomach almost constantly and weak. She still hasn’t told him. It’s something she wants to share only when Will’s himself again and she’s still small enough that a looser skirt can hide a lot of sins.

Still, there’s not much she can do when he’s actually aware again. MacKenzie is grateful that he seems to have pulled through and is to the point of his convalescence that he can sit up and complain but Will is...quite talented at complaint. 

“MacKenzie, is there any chance you’ll let me up out of this damned bed? I’m tired of just sitting here while my ranch goes to seed.” MacKenzie shakes her head and finishes straightening up a few things on a tray before putting it on Will’s lap. Daniel, ever present and into everything, cries out to be put on the bed with Will and she lifts him, sighing heavily. As she grows, it’s getting more and more difficult to pretend she isn’t tired all the time. 

“Daniel, love, please try not to touch all of your father’s food while he’s eating,” she chastises gently. To Will, she’s less gentle. “I can’t let you up. You’re not cleared yet by the doctor and the last thing I want is you reinjuring yourself because you worked too hard. You’ll simply have to wait until Dr. Mercer comes back ‘round to say you’re all right. I don’t want to risk it.” MacKenzie sinks into a chair next to his bed and fans herself before unbuttoning the top few buttons of her gown to cool off a bit. Will takes a bite from his toast and looks at her thoughtfully, assessing. 

“I was wondering if you were ever going to get around to telling me but I guess you aren’t. Daniel’s got a brother on the way, doesn’t he? From just before I left for the round up, if I had to guess?” MacKenzie bites her lip. Will isn’t accusing her of cheating, at least, but his tone isn’t exactly the brightest and happiest either. She’d feared this and dreaded telling him about the pregnancy for just this reason. 

“I imagined you did not want to be burdened with this news while injured,” MacKenzie says softly. “You seemed so unhappy with me before you left that I did not think the knowledge that you were still stuck with me would be welcomed. I wanted...I wanted to ensure you healed well and did not wish to upset you so I concealed it. I apologize.” 

The room falls silent aside from Daniel’s happy babbling and MacKenzie dares to steal a glance at Will; he’s watching her without trying to seem like he is. MacKenzie swiftly buttons up her gown the rest of the way and gets to her feet, reaching out for Daniel. “I’ll leave you to your breakfast. I should give Daniel his own before he eats all of yours.” As she reaches out for her son, Will closes his hand gently around her wrist. 

“Wait, MacKenzie. I didn’t mean to run you off. I was just...I know you’ve been worried. I just wanted you to know I could tell you were with child and you didn’t have to worry about hiding it from me anymore. I know it’s made you feel bad. You can...you know. Hire someone.” MacKenzie narrows her eyes a bit, watching him. Will isn’t angry? This is more than she could have hoped for, his laudanum-induced confessions aside. She imagined he’d thought she had cuckolded him and that the child wasn’t his. A begrudging acceptance was much more than she could have hoped for.

“I don’t need any help with Daniel, if that’s your question. Don’s still running the ranch with Elliot’s help and I need no assistance caring for you. If you wish for me to hire you a personal nurse instead, I will write to Omaha and see if there is someone of suitable qualifications to attend to you. It would allow me to go back to the paper, if I so desired, and clear up some loose ends with an investigation I was doing.” What she doesn’t say is that it would keep him from having to be burdened with her day in and day out when she knows he would prefer she lived elsewhere. The pregnancy means she must stay and Will isn’t the sort to abandon his children but she hates to think that is the only reason he allows her to stay. 

“I don’t want a damned nurse from Omaha. I want you to have some damned help in this house so you don’t get sick. Daniel damn near killed you, dar...MacKenzie and I don’t want you hurting yourself or the baby because you’re waiting on me all hours of the day and night. That’s my son you’re carrying. I want you both to be well.” Ah, yes, his precious son. MacKenzie sighs a little and nods stiffly.

“I will hire someone to help me so that I can take more rest. Are you quite finished?” Will gives her a dark look and turns back to his food. MacKenzie doesn’t slam the door on her way out but it’s a very near thing and once she’s on the other side, she lets out a sigh of relief and simply cries. If Will feels well enough to argue with her and has noticed the pregnancy, Will is well enough for a full recovery. She does not have to worry about her children having to grow up without a father, without someone to provide for them, and Will is nothing if not a loving and doting father. 

He used to be a loving and doting husband, too, and MacKenzie hates herself for taking it for granted. She had something precious and special and knew nothing about what she had. Once she realized just how precious it was, it was too late. If only she had it to do over again! She would never have written Brian and she certainly would never have kept his correspondence. She would have devoted herself fully to Will and learned him, learned to love him as dearly as he loved her. She knows he still loves her. Drugs made him honest and he told her that he never stopped loving her but without that to break down his barriers, Will is cold and withdrawn from her. 

How does she break past that? How does she move past her own fears of being rejected to be the open and loving wife she should have been all along? MacKenzie does not know. All she knows is that is enough to know that today, Will is healthy and on the mend and that she will have a little more time. For a while, it was perilous, and she hopes the pregnancy will become easier now that worry isn’t forming a stone in the pit of her stomach. It’s only Daniel’s little hand tugging at her skirt that pulls her from her thoughts. 

“Mama?” Being a mother never quite stops, even when MacKenzie wishes the world would stop turning so she could step off. She lifts Daniel into her arms and tries not to think about just how much he looks like Will and how very, very much he loves her. It’s painful to think about it when Will still isn’t exactly inviting. 

“Yes, darling, we’ll get something to eat. Come on.”


	19. Chapter 19

Will isn’t sure how long he is going to punish MacKenzie. He knows that he shouldn’t - MacKenzie is his wife and the mother of his children and she does not deserve to have him be cold to her for the rest of her marriage but he cannot help himself. He’s deeply hurt by her relationship with Brian but feels like MacKenzie has moved past it. MacKenzie has said she loves him, over and over, and rarely shows him her temper even though he pushes her to the breaking point on a regular basis. 

Why can’t he simply forgive her? Why? 

Will thinks some of it is the fact that he is still weak from his injury and unable to work. He’s only just been able to get back on a horse and he still cannot ride for very long without getting tired. MacKenzie dotes upon him as much as she can between caring for Daniel and dealing with her pregnancy and it’s...nice. It’s nice to be cared for and loved. He hears her clearing her throat and turns, sighing when he sees her framed in the doorway. She’s wearing a dressing gown over her nightgown and her braid is hanging over her shoulder. 

“I wanted to see if you needed anything? Daniel’s down for the night.” Will watches her for a moment and she’s so beautiful that he just wants to sigh. She does everything right, except the one thing she did wrong, and he knows he has to forgive her. He just does not know how he’s going to do it when every time he sees her he thinks of the letters she wrote to Brian when she could have simply spoken to him. 

“No,” he says quietly. “I mean, yes. C’mere?” MacKenzie looks startled but steps into his bedroom. She stops right at the end of the bed and shifts her weight slightly; the curve of the baby is clearly visible through her gown and Will wants to touch her and hold her again. “I wanted to know if I...has he moved, yet?”

MacKenzie presses her lips together and steps a little closer, just enough that she can reach for his hand and press it against the soft cotton of her gown. “The babe has moved a few times. He’s not as active as Daniel was,” she says. “I don’t like that. I like knowing my baby is healthy and strong and Daniel always let me know.” 

Will rubs his hand against her before looping his arm around her and pulling her close. He bends his head and presses it against her neck, just enjoying the soft, sweet scent of her and the softness of her skin. “I missed you. I miss you every day.” MacKenzie stiffens a little in his arms and when he looks up, he sees that tears are welling in her eyes. 

“I’m here, Will. I was always here. You just didn’t want me to be here.” Will knows. He carries this guilt and he doesn’t know that anything will ease it. He doesn’t know that forgiving her will cure him of the guilt he feels about being cold to her when she needed him. He thinks he might need to do more to atone for that but he does not even know where to start; Will has always been the sort to hold on to his anger until it turns into dark, deep hatred. He’d done that with his father and he’s afraid that if he holds onto this any longer with MacKenzie, he’ll hate her too. He knows that he’s hurt her. 

“I always want you to be here,” he promises, holding her close. “I know I told you that you had to stay in that bedroom but if...if it would be amenable to you, I’d like if you shared my bed again. I don’t know if that’s something you’d like.” It’s a struggle for him to ask her this when he still hurts so much but he has to start trying to repair this or he really will lose MacKenzie. She pulls back from him and her face is quizzical, as if she can’t quite trust what he’s saying. 

Will touches her chin lightly. “I want you here, MacKenzie, if you want to try again. I’m sorry.” It takes a lot for him to say this and even though the words come slowly and a little stiff, he thinks he can get this out. He needs to. He owes this to MacKenzie. “I never want to...no. Let me try again? I promise I will never, ever hurt you again. I’m done with hurting you. If you wish to resume our romance, I want to have it again - but even if we never share a bed again, I want you to know that I am in love with you. I will be in love with you for the rest of my life.” 

MacKenzie’s eyes are soft and Will is afraid she is going to actually cry. He doesn’t want her to cry or shed any more tears on his account and he wishes there was some way he could just mend this and move on. Unfortunately, he is afraid that perhaps his apology has come too late and that MacKenzie is well within her rights to refuse him because he’s hurt her so deeply. He hopes that isn’t the case. He hopes that she will give him another chance and let him be the husband he should have been when he pushed her away. 

“It will take some time,” she says softly. “While I can certainly forgive you, it will be very difficult to forget just how hard things have been this past little while. Surely you can understand that? You will give me some time to adjust again?” Will presses a kiss to her hair. It feels like a weight has been lifted off him and he vows that he will work toward wooing his wife again. He _will_ win her back and make her feel comfortable with him again and he will be a good husband and a good father. 

“I’m gonna put in the time for you,” Will promises her. “I’m gonna...I’m gonna do better, MacKenzie, and I’m gonna take care of you and Daniel and this new baby. You’ll see. I can prove it to you.” MacKenzie gives him a smile that’s sad but Will likes to think he sees some hope touching at the corners. Her eyes aren’t as bright as they used to be but there’s a glimmer there that thinks maybe he’s made decent progress on fixing it. He hopes so. He hopes MacKenzie is giving him another chance and that he can impress her.

“Will you stay with me tonight?” His voice shakes a little and he hasn’t been so nervous since he was a boy. It’s like the world stops for a moment while he waits on her answer and her softly-whispered “yes” is like music to his ears. He carefully eases off her dressing gown and turns down the blankets for her and once she’s settled in the bed, he spoons up behind her and holds her close. 

“I’m going to do better, darlin’. I owe you better than I’ve been.”


End file.
